#133 is a hit? You don’t win elections with those standards. However, I will gladly retract my remarks if that is the standard for this feature.

Anyone who has received formal schooling on American culture knows that the most consequential non-hit record of 1973 is Montrose’s self-titled debut album. That record was years ahead of its time. It’s the first fully realized example of what became the American mainstream hard rock aesthetic. You can draw a straight…

There is only one thing separating the Canadian and Russian peoples: Alaska. Our two nations have but to remove this unnatural barrier, then we are neighbors, and the southern bully will be cowed into civility.

I shouldn’t say this, given that the corner of the human psyche where emotionalism intersects irrationality is the troll’s workshop, but this guy needs to get a grip.

I’ve avoided Boondock Saints because I fear it. I had America-hating classmates who told me “Dimitrii, whenever you doubt the necessity of destroying America, watch Boondock Saints. It will restore your hatred of Americans. They are contemptible morons.”

Boondock Saints was in the curriculum when I was at Troll Academy in St. Petersburg, but I could never bring myself to watch it. I gleaned enough info online to fake it.

Wait, you’re saying Bob Menendez just now destroyed the Democratic Party’s ability to credibly campaign on an anti-corruption platform? We Russian trolls were under the impression that Eric Holder had already accomplished that for us. It was on our “to do” list. We marked it “mission accomplished” as soon as we heard…

Intriguing. This is exactly the sort of familial rancor that we specialize in exploiting.

If he wanted to troll he could have blamed Robin Williams for making Jim Carrey’s career possible. That’s a good troll because it’s arguably true.

An infamous betrayal of smooth music. Loggins is revisiting the scene of his crime.

20 years on, American hipsters are still trying to make “Polyester Bride” happen. Keep trying. Another 20 years, maybe it’ll finally get its due glory. Or maybe it’ll still be shite.

Pelosi is right. American voters yearn for the Democratic Party to return to the successful policy template built by Bill Clinton in the 1990's. If this were not true, could Hillary Clinton have won the popular vote in 2016? The answer is no.

If you could travel back in time and kill baby Mark Zuckerberg, would you?

You raise some good points. Clearly it was deplorable for Hillary Clinton to use the U.S. Senate as her entry point to elected office. Even worse to do it in a state she didn’t live in. She had no relationship to the New York voters she was supposed to represent in the Senate. Awful! She should have run for lower…

Perhaps there is some merit in the Democratic Party’s preferred solution, which is to allow President Mike Pence to install his own attorney general.

Ah, the siren song of healthcare beckons. Fool’s gold. The truth is that American voters know there is no issue more urgent than countering the scourge of Russian trolls. We pose the greatest threat to America since Hitler — just ask Adam Schiff and Rachel Maddow. Healthcare is well and good, but you won’t even have…

Beavers are my comrades. Perhaps you have heard of Hockomock Swamp, the baleful bog at the heart of the Bridgewater Triangle, paranormal hotspot. It is tenebrous with spirits — wendigos, thunderbirds, sasquatches, ghosts, etc. You can thank your local beavers for creating a similar environment in your backyard.…

Poor Joy. Russian hackers and trolls have gaslighted her into believing she really did write those offensive posts a decade ago. The truth is all those posts were written in Russia by Russians. Joy did nothing wrong.*

Back when Facebook introduced Trending in 2014, we Russian trolls immediately perceived its dangerous potential for corrupting public discourse, so we acted in a manner calculated to call attention to its evils, perchance to bring about its destruction. We were successful. We remain single-minded in our quest to…

If the quote below is a veiled commentary on Hillary Clinton’s 2016 presidential campaign, I concur.