“King of the Forest” is an altogether superior title for a Timberlake album. A “man of the woods” is a lowly peasant who serves the King. Timberlake has too many years of braggadocio behind him to play the role of downtrodden peasant.

We loved Erica and were happy to give her a voice on RT television when mainstream American media wouldn’t. Sometimes the best way to troll you Americans is simply to tell the truth about your shitty unfair society.

Start a few dedicated troll accounts on social media. Trolling is fun and can lead to exciting employment opportunities if you display a talent for it. We’re always on the lookout for new recruits.

Fine, but in the summer of 2016, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton actually said she thinks Obama is qualified to sit on the Supreme Court and that appointing him would be “a great idea” (her words). Amazingly, this idea got a lot of traction in Democrat-friendly media. It still comes up from time to time. It’s…

As a paid troll, I can’t refrain from pointing out that Democrats have always held Barack Obama to be an eminent legal scholar, yet the following list could easily have been written to describe him.

Fun fact: The Star Wars Holiday Special aired on November 17, 1978, a mere 3 weeks after Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park’s air date of October 28, 1978.

So Spurlock confesses. Funny thing though — I’ve read his file, and we didn’t have any dirt on him. Not real dirt anyway. It was really a boring file. It appears we’ve created such paranoia in Hollywood that people are preemptively confessing now. This may work to our advantage, or it may not. Certainly it throws an…

I’m not saying I am paid to manipulate Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction votes and press releases to create anger and divisiveness in American society, but I’m not not saying it either. Were such a scenario to be reality, it would be one of the more distasteful parts of my job, so let me hypothetically apologize. We…

You are wrong. When the Boss is found to be corrupt, his Consigliere is his logical temporary replacement to facilitate a smooth transition of power. Remember: when guys are on the mattresses, they’re not out earning.

Bravo, Pareene! I like your thinking. First off: making unelected congressional staffers into a sort of Vice President of their district is precisely the sort of undemocratic cronyism that makes Americans feel their government is unaccountable to the will of the people. I love that! It’s the sort of idea I’m paid for.

Ugh. I can tell you from experience, this crowd is a dreary bunch and hardly worth trolling. We have extensive files on r/neoliberal’s membership and it is by far the most heavily infested segment of Reddit with paid commentators. We know there is a cabal of deep-pocketed Clintonite dullards who are dead set on…

This rebellion drags on and on — an interminable cauldron of death and destruction. I think of the rebellion in Syria, which is mercifully winding down at long last. Eventually it’s in everybody best interest to resolve the conflict one way or another. Maybe it’s best for the Empire to win.

I must screen this movie. This notion of being mired in the stultifying aftermath of a vital and exciting era seems an apt description of America in 2017. For a while you chose the War on Terror to be the vessel of your national vitality, but now the War is a tedious slog with no end in sight. It has been a sapper of…

It sounds like a repugnant book that would make a dismal, dispiriting movie. I love it! If anyone wants to make a faithful film adaptation, I will put in paperwork to fund it. We have slush funds and cutouts designated for such purposes. They have funded many of America’s most dismal “entertainment” projects. Creating…

A few years back when I was working as an undercover social media troll I acquired a terrible habit of shrieking Dr. Rockso’s “Don’t tell nobody!” whenever new plans were being discussed. My co-workers didn’t appreciate it at all.

Every time I make the mistake of sampling one of these new music ‘best of’ lists I’m struck by the fact that retro/nostalgia is now so fully normalized that bands can stuff their records chock full of overtly retro shit and it goes unmentioned in record reviews. That Charly Bliss record is typical. Retro is just how…

This music all sounds so overwhelmingly retro except that Pile song, which at least tries for a fresh sound. It’s not bad. The rest could be unreleased records from 20 or more years ago and nobody would know the difference.

Jeffrey McDonald is a mass murderer, not a serial killer.

Correction: That does *not* mean we are dishonest.

I take issue with the title “Pretending is lying.” We Russian trolls sometimes employ artistic license in our social media materials. That does mean we are dishonest. We are simply aware that there are times when a dry recitation of facts lacks the impact needed to impart an appropriate sense of urgency in the reader.…