Let me suggest a strike that douses the forges of the sinister Factories of Death of your military-industrial complex. Thus, no more bombs and missiles to slaughter innocent Yemeni and Afghan children. Do you Americans have the nerve to do it? I doubt it, but I would be happy to be proven wrong.

Punk rock is so chickenshit. If punk rockers were half as brave and transgressive as they like to believe they are, they would all use RUSSIA in their name. Anything involving the Kremlin, President Vladimir Putin, or Russia is guaranteed to elicit rabid hostility from American audiences, piss off parents, and get…

Interesting side note: in late 2015 our research staff noticed striking similarities between Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton and recommended we incorporate them into our social media trolling to make Hillary unpalatable to American voters. We did end up using a few of those ideas, but I’m not convinced they were…

The King Gizzard album is an admirable attempt to recreate the magic of 70's prog masters Gong and Camel. Hearing it reminds me how grateful we Russian trolls are that you Americans forsook the cerebral charms of progressive rock for the infantile anti-intellectualism of punk rock back in the 1970's. It was a dreadful…

Yes, the non-flaw flaw, one of our favorite writing devices. It’s superficially critical but actually a veiled compliment. We love that type of non-introspective introspection, and we have cultivated it assiduously in the elites of your two major parties, with fairly good success. But we can’t hold a candle to Sorkin.…

In keeping with our goal to sharpen divisions in American society, let me assure West Wing fans — we are doing our utmost to make this reboot happen. It is a very high priority. We think the world of Aaron Sorkin. West Wing was a thousand times more effective than our troll army in making affluent American coastal…

Polish immigrant? Sheesh. We have a comprehensive file on Mr. Wiseau and it never ceases to amaze me how much disinformation appears in U.S. media about him.

I told AV Club 11 days ago, our plan to ruin all your celebrities is proceeding on schedule, with more to come. Now do you see? Without celebrities American society will be rudderless and weak. Who will be next? Don’t worry, you won’t have to wait long to find out.

As a paid Russian troll, I love watching American liberals label appeals to moral and intellectual consistency as evidence of nefarious intent to aid a foreign enemy. Whataboutism, they call it. This is how we Russian trolls are winning. We are turning American liberals into the J. Edgar Hoovers of their era. Soon all…

Fondness for pop-culture comfort food is characteristic of a decadent society entering its last stages of decay. You Americans have become rank sentimentalists and laughably easy to manipulate.

Mostly it’s the people he worked with or discovered that makes him OK.

Some have alleged Zappa to be the original paid Russian troll. I will neither confirm or deny that report, but I will say we think highly of him at the office.

I hope her burial isn’t PENDING APPROVAL, because that can take a long long time.

God is a superstition.

Seriously. What is this “PENDING APPROVAL” shit? It kills discussion. I asked why Anus not break up AC/DC now, and nobody replied.

Fun fact: Mnuchin and his wife Louise Linton share the same birthday (December 21).

Yeah, but I don’t think anyone has ever posited that Hitler’s murderousness was motivated by rejection from art school. Manson really did fervently desire a seat in hip celebrity society and a show-biz career and was super pissed when it didn’t happen.

Malcom Young, David Cassidy soon.

I always wondered how Charlie would have turned out if he’d gotten that recording contract and had some success. By all accounts he got way angrier and darker after his show-biz aspirations flopped. Could he have ended up an eccentric weirdo recording artist instead of a murderous fiend? We’ll never know.

Pending . . . .