Look, I’m 90% with you on the towel thing, but you -cannot- use a used dish towel as a hand towel. I tried to improvise this recently when my wife was out of town, and in two days I was like <i>Why are my hands so chapped? Can it possibly be the hardened cloth shards I’m drying them with? No, that’s impossible.</i>

Reminds me of a genuinely fun Shaq segment I saw once (no memory of where), where it was him playing against an exponentially increasing number of (I think) kindergartners. He did fine up through, like, 32 of them, but once it hit 64 and 128 they just swarmed him like ants. It was monstrously beautiful.