Unplug the WiFi Bernice, there’s nothing left to see on the internets today.  

I am still wondering if it was a compliment or an insult that I have been confused for him on 2 occasions. Also, he may or may not have un-retired.

Listen, as a NYer that’s been to Toronto and lives in WNY, you people are in-fuckin-sane. The QEW is the western Audobahn, and when Canadians come down for games and shopping, your blatant disregard for traffic laws are laughable. That indictment aside, you are some extremely friendly people.

Which ESPN Staffer would you most like to acquire ...

Well they’re not throwing out the actual first pitch. It’s a fucking ceremony. But yes, if they pitched in a game and hit the strike zone I would completely expect a full swing.

You’re going to need to grab that commentary as posted from their recently updated LinkedIn profiles.

I’m certain this is to get closer to the only hooker who will service him without a Raiders hat on.

Brilliant.

That's actually what I did but to a far lesser degree. Casually kicking a soccer ball to a relative a few feet away and my plant leg buckled. Dislocated the knee, sprained ligament and torn meniscus. Luckily no surgery needed due to location of meniscus tear and my knee realigned immediately naturally. Took 4 weeks…

Punch me or kiss me? That’s kinda “I’ll fuck you till you love me”-ish.

I would love to have seen this live for a different angle. It was either terrible defending or he was a step offside. We should review that for 5 minutes filled with Papa Johns commercials, have an analyst give an incorrect opinion, and kill the momentum to determine.

Appealed down to 5.

That was almost as filthy as Hope Solo’s leake... Ah never mind.

2 points for the take down and a yellow card for the dive.

I almost thought it would be interesting, then I remembered that an infomercial for the newest __Ninja would captivate me more for 26 minutes than a boxing match.

As my Welsh friend would say, “Geht Fucked will ye?” if you take this article too seriously. Just be glad you're not famous when he scores next. Could be your last...

Oh he packs heavy (see article), it's just his baggage is just way less interesting.

I'll play Devils advocate here and say I don't think he intended to decapitate Brown. I think he intended to prevent him from catching a ball. That's his job.

Part of my wants to believe he was just getting a good shirt tuck for the post-game, but the other part of me knows he was mid-forearm deep and probably taking care of that taint sweat that had been nagging him. This is why I fistbump.

That was dirty, and to his credit, the midfielder that came up into the box wasn't there until he committed to undressing the goalie.