Best advice I read while planning my wedding: 20 years from your wedding day, you won't remember that the flowers weren't exactly the way you imagined, but you will remember the 20 minutes you spent crying about it.

This would only be acceptable if Uncle Jesse was accompanying them

Sneakers for LIFE!

When I was shopping for a wedding ring, the lady showing them to me mentioned that they could be up-sized to fit my fat fingers (she said it with more class).

Have you seen Snuff Box?

This guy has a serious issue with over-sized purses

I don't think that's what she is saying. I think it's more of "It was horrible, but when I look back on the time in my life that I met the love of my life, I remember that good part, not the bad anymore."

semen may get on the dancer, where it is often unwelcome.

Mr. Ennui and I have a cuddle called the double-hug. It's when you lay spooning or facing each other, and one person has both their arm and leg over the other. It's pretty great, I'm not gonna lie.

I think what he's saying is..... oh, wait, I don't care what he's saying.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Her spelling added an extra "eh"

"Is she looking? I fucked Marilyn Monroe. Ha ha"

I can not wait to not care about this.

That said, did she need to have a legal standing to be a hold out. Couldn't she have simply been unwilling to change her vote?

I see the scale half-full. You see the scale half-empty.

ok, I just went to try to understand it more and now I'm confused if the bill was about environmental issues at all.

ok. First this guy is an asshat. That's pretty clear.

Momma always said "An invisible vagina, is an empty vagina"

I always thought some guys are just so clumsy that they're always tripping and falling into random vaginas. Is that not a thing?