You don’t want to see a 2 hour special in which the whole family paints 100 flamingos blue for no apparent reason?

how about you chill

You do realize that the southern United States is not the only example of slavery in the history of the world, right?

The older ones like Savannah was doing it so he wanted to do it too.

Protip, don’t say “BYE, Rachel” to her, because it will only feed her. She’ll hear “Biracial” and think you’re encouraging her.

The public has spokane!

The reason the Manhattan real estate market moves so fast is because the velocity of circulation of properties is driven by homeowners’ cousins’ teenage daughters banging their boyfriends in people’s condos.

No, he just knows how the driver got off the hook: A girl I know went out on a date with Stamos once and he got pulled over and arrested for DUI. He tried to feign some illness just like this story (which must have worked since we’ve never heard about it).

Being arrested and then “cited and released" seems lame when you're so drunk they need to take you to the hospital. Good thing he didn't drive head on into a minivan with 5 kids in it!

“There was always an unsettling feeling in the apartment after we got back. A feeling of..dread. As if some stain was upon us that nothing could remove.

They had to throw those Frette sheets away.

Her apology was awful. It’s basically the “I’m sorry if anyone was offended” nonsense, with a sprinkle of “I have black friends!” on top of the shit sundae. Also, let’s not forget that in the same interview she talked about her paralyzed mother as if she were a mere annoyance, like a fly you just swat away. I almost…

She lives in my apartment building! She has a little dog! She’s very nice!

I am a fan and I would love to have sex with Miley Cyrus and I’m like 80% heterosexual

She’s also amy schumers ma.

Yes, it’s a sequence from the cursed videotape.

the fact that there is a French tabloid just called “Oops!” is pretty much the greatest thing in the world.

My aunt took my to the movies to see that when it was released. But the tickets were all sold out. SOLD OUT. I have never heard of that happening ever.

And, of course...