Attendance is down. The quality of the game is terrible. The sport has zero recognizable stars. Sounds like a great time to expand! 

The colors of Air Force One are the official colors of the Air Force. I know I know - - crazy, right? The blue on Air Force One is known as Air Force Blue. But it certainly does make sense to paint it the colors of Mother Russia. 

Anderson was gassed, but so was Djokovic after beating Nadal the previous day. His match was played over two days because of the ridiculous 8,000-game fifth set in the Anderson/Isner net. What I’m saying is Wimbledon needs a fifth-set tiebreak. Anderson’s win was absolutely gruesome to watch. It was tennis in the way…

I’m pretty sure Croatia’s goalie is a Republican. On two goals he didn’t budge, and he broke on the PK as Griezmann was approaching the ball. One of my friends wondered aloud if Putin had his family in a box somewhere. Griezmann is a backpfeifengesicht, a flopper and a whiner with the stupidest celebration dance of…

I developed a profound dislike for Griezmann for his pouting and diving. But celebrating in the world’s most prestigious sporting event with something from a video game is too pathetic for words. I thought he was just being a dick. Turns out I was right. 

They're a nice story, but they won't stand a chance against the Red Sox, Yankees, Astros or even the Indians in the playoffs. (Disclaimer: I'm an Orioles fan.) 

He'll be fine as long as he still has Poutin' Peyton on speed dial. 

I know, right? Who the fuck cares if a pizza maker gets sick and dies? He's probably a Mexican here to TEK ER JERBS. The only people who deserve health care are in Congress. The rest of us are just dragging down the economy. 

Stop reading the news, then!

You’re seeing too much into it. Just because it’s ladies night doesn’t mean you ladies are more likely to “hook up with men”. It means men will spend more money because there are women there, and it means more women will come and spend money because they’re getting a deal. It’s about the money, is what I’m trying to…

I’m an MRA chucklefuck, and I spend every waking moment writing hateful comments to women and wondering why I can’t meet women.

I had a colleague in Cambodia who thought people didn’t give him a fair shake because of his appearance. I assured him that, no, they just think you’re an asshole. 

My local supermarket had a “buy one, get one free” sale on my favorite brand of ice cream. Now I’m boycotting. Imagine how that second tub of ice cream feels, knowing that the store believes it is literally worthless. 

I’m sorry, but I have a hard time believing any of these guys would set aside their fleshlights long enough to do any of this.

Booker could get attacked by a shark during a plane crash and my initial thought would be HE got a max contract?!

Serena looked gassed. I’m not playing the “Serena lost, Kerber didn’t win” card, because Kerber has been one of the few players who can consistently compete with Serena. She played really well and I think she would have won anyway. I think it was the penultimate point when she dropped a crazy return into Serena’s…

I know, right? Any woman could have a baby and lose in the Wimbledon final. It’s exactly the same as having a baby and working in a law firm, or having a baby and working as a computer programmer. SHOW ME THE DIFFERENCE.

I dunno. When I’m on a date I always note I’m a pee-drinking novice. It doesn’t get the desired effect.

I’m going to go ahead and take your word for that.