I hate half a ghost pepper. I was supposed to eat the whole thing and therefore forfeited my $50 reward, plus my dinner, my evening and most of the next day.

Dick Coffee sounds horrible. I don't even like Hazelnut.

Hey! I am currently driving a 2004 Forester XT Manual and I'm not a lesbian! I'm a guy for crying out loud. Although I do like women...and lesbians like women. Maybe it's just a car for people who like women.

I had a dream that I had a pygmy elephant as a pet. It was about the size of a great dane and acted a lot like a dog. It was a good dream. The elephant and I were best friends and we spent days playing in the backyard and bonding. But then I found out that there are no pygmy elephants and I cannot own one.

That's not so bad. Just ask my daughter, Take A Right At The Gas Station.

Can we get them to look like they're killing themselves in the hoarding house?

In Northern, Ohio (and where Cedar point is) is a town called Sandusky. There's North Sandusky, The Sandusky River, Sandusky Dry Cleaners, Regular Sandusky.

I'm with the couple that got married. I mean, when my wife and I married we registered at Bank of America, not Whole Foods.

I hope Mr. Vincent and Mr. Vincenti read Deadspin.

I didn't think anyone on Reddit was old enough to have a wife/girlfriend. And if they were, they wouldn't because nerd.

And isn't he tweeting now that he "can't wait to get out of College Station"?

But they are AWESOME in This Is The End!!!

I'm kind of fat. I wear a three-three.

How do I get one? I want one right now.

He had one of the best cameos in a movie since Bill Murray in Zombieland (This Is The End)

Any studio that gave us Up, The Incredibles, and the greatest Trilogy ever filmed gets a pass on having a few clunkers. But I didn't think brave clunked. It just felt too Disney.

Holy cow, I think I went there. It was probably ten years ago or so, but I went with my company. It's a team building thing, but the saloon was open (and free) so we built the best goddamned teams ever. Best, drunken, flirty, saying-shit-we-would-soon-regret teams ever.

When, as a couple, you have reached the point where you want...no, NEED to have sex in a car, then whatever car you're in will be fine and it will be the best sex ever.

I worked as a Planner at Victoria's Secret. I'm male. My first week I worked in the stores. Women avoided me. I stood there in my black suit with a black shirt and a pink tie and tried not to look at anything or anyone. Every once in a while, a woman would come up and ask me a question. I'd been there for two days.…

I hated that scene in The Exorcist.