More like the new star of 19 Kids and Counting.

That wasn’t Bob Costas.

Probably. He would have gone on The Voice, but he’s a little horse.

It marks the first Triple Crown in my lifetime, and most likely yours as well.

Sorry to be an overexcited dork but I never thought I’d see a Triple Crown winner in my adult life. Pardon the enthusiasm!

Dammit Burke, it’s not even the first Triple Crown of my adulthood.

I believe this is appropriate:

Can I just say... it’s like 2 weeks later, and I’m still shocked that it’s InTouch carrying the journalistic water here. But good for them, for real. I know it’s kind of backhanded to say it that way, but I don’t know how to give them a compliment for the truly great work they’re doing here without it sounding…

“sometimes I take a poop in my hand and then eat it”

Please, please, please don’t link to the Food Babe site directly. Link to the Gawker story that says she’s full of shit, certainly... but please don’t link to her site directly. It’s an SEO benefit to her when reputable sites like this one do that, and I don’t think that she deserves any benefits whatsoever, SEO or…

Keto isn’t a good diet long term either though. While it’s good for what it was made for and has been adapted quite well as an effective weight loss tool, it’s very hard to get all of your micronutrients on it since most people don’t even consider eating organ meats. It’s like veganism; a fad diet that can be done…

My husband and I were together for 9 years before we got married, so I didn’t bother giving The Big Ex a heads up. However, when I was a mere child of 21 aforementioned Big Ex and I inadvertently got pregnant, and had an abortion. He was a gem, went to the clinic with me, held my hand, cried, etc. When I decided to…

Please be a new game engine. please be a new game engine. please be a new game engine!

My body is ready....

Least sexy orgy ever.

I really like the beginning of the video where he complains about not getting an advanced warning of his arrest and the charges against him. It’s like he’s used to living in an entirely different legal system in which crimes are negotiated away with money before charges are ever pressed. That part alone convinces me…

All that stupid chatter (“LICK IT NOOOOW” “SPIT ON THAT”) sounds almost staged, like they wanted to be caught doing the naughty. Or maybe that’s just what sheltered 20-somethings who watch bad porn think sex really sounds like.

Outside of the legendary Kekich-Peterson swap, these sorts of “team-building” exercises are excruciatingly gay. Which makes you wonder why a Mike Sam scares some athletes so much. Is it the healthy, mutual, sexual-romantic relationship? Probably.

That’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur

Cocaine is awful. All it does is bring out everyone’s inner asshole while simultaneously making them think they are super-interesting. It’s the worst.