For our sake he was crucified under Belichick and Ryan; he suffered, died, and was buried. And on the third offseason, he rose again in fulfillment of the scriptures. He ascended into Philadelphia and is seated at the right hand of Kelly, the head coach. He will play again in glory, to judge the players and ESPN, and…

Gotta say, I feel pretty safe in this judgement.

It's always that age group, man, almost invariably it's a Baby Boomer. I don't get why, when they were supposed to be the generation of "free love" and shit, but in general they're the most entitled assholes I've ever had the displeasure in dealing with.

I never understood spouses who sit there while their SO treats people like this. If my wife ever treated someone with disrespect I'd throw down a tip and let her know I was leaving and if she wanted a ride home she'd better join me. I also know that if I were to ever be the jerk, that she'd do the exact same thing…

that last story... I was crossing my fingers the management was going to kick this horrible POS woman out of PF Chang's but NOPE!!!! that made it the worst story of this bunch by a landslide.

No. She squirts it DIRECTLY ON THE TABLE. The kids proceed to finger-paint the entire table with their chicken strips, ketchup, and Splenda concoction.

I regularly wore ripped black lace stockings under black micro shorts with doc martens, so I know a thing or two about subverting teen oppression.

“President Ted Cruz.”

Make sure to partake in lots of water, though, as you don't want the dehydration to be a factor in your workout.

I do that too. Or calmly explain that I'm making a wig for him and delicately place it on his head.

Is he drinking too much? Does he go out often and get wasted to the point of obliteration each time? If the answer to those questions is no, then the problem stems from your (understandable) baggage from being married to an addict before. While your current husband needs to be aware of that baggage and why it upsets…

I think this is the best possible response.

Therapy is definitely a must, but in the mean time, have you explained to him the midnight/staying out late thing? Maybe you two can build up some trust around the issue if he either gives you a call at a specific time or comes home by a certain time ("See, honey, I'm in control enough to think of you and keep track…

Oh, the beard maintenance! Hair everywhere!

Thanks. Sorry if I scared you. We were talking the other night and she's finally lost all her steroid weight and her skin has cleared up, she's rolling with a super cute asymmetric bob and she looks wonderful.

When my wife was bald and in chemo, I'd have given anything to have to deal with random hair around the house. When she first started chemo, it fell out in giant clumps, leaving a halo of her naturally blonde hair on her pillow and wherever she sat. Eventually, she asked me to shave her head and that was when it all…

My fiance's hair, especially his bear hair is all over my sink, all the fucking time and it drives me bonkers!

I have never had a child but I still find my hair everywhere, including all over my husband. He seems baffled by it. I tell him I'm just making my territory so that all the other ladies know he is taken. I have given up trying to contain it, I even found it in my fridge last night.

My wife has long, thick, beautiful hair, and I love it dearly, but holy shit I find it everywhere, up to and including my God-damned asscrack now and then, how does that even happen?!

Also guilty of this. When my husband hands me back lone strands of hair from every imaginable and unimaginable place, I thank him graciously and place it back on top of my head. Take that, husband.