So, we're irresponsible, idiotic, incapable of making decisions, and can't comprehend the consequences of our actions? Then how are we smart enough to know we want birth control? And that being said, WOULDN'T YOU WANT US IDIOTS TO BE ON BIRTH CONTROL?? Do you want us to reproduce and make more incompetent fools? How…

My initial reaction to this is, like most people, JESUS CHRIST NO.

Don't tell my mom, but in addition to having all the natural, sane reactions to stories like these, I also want to get one of those full-body motorcycle suits and go patrolling the streets. I just keep thinking, "I wish I had been there. I wish I could have helped her." I know this sounds crazy. I was once left…

Oh man, I have really missed your movie reviews. They are always the perfect blend of utter insanity and spot-onity. I wasn't going to see this movie, but you may have convinced me. But I'll still be upset that my darling Frederick Douglass isn't in it.

Haha Love it! I am constantly misreading things in this way. It makes life so much more interesting, no?

"Break up with them without haste."

WAIT NO. i just remembered what line they're singing here!! NOOOOO!!

YOU ARE THE GIF GENIUS. win.

Exactly what I was thinking! Thank you!

That Jean Grae one made me do a spit-take. Hilarious.

That is shitty to the extent that I am literally willing to buy you some sort of punching bag. I don't think those little squeezy stress balls will cover this one.

Did Ellen read your Bic article?? Some of that was practically word for word. Wevs, you're both geniuses.

Absolutely fantastic. That's all I can say.

Jezebel should hire you for that opening sentence.

"They can no longer receive information about same-sex attractions."

Doug, you are fantastic (I was going to say I love you, but that's a bit weird, so I toned it down). Sometimes it seems like these anti-weightist articles just keep on coming and keep saying almost the same thing, but really, I learn something new from each one and from each new point of attack.

In a lot of areas of the world, especially Asia, I believe, having long nails is a sign that you don't do any manual labor, and probably have lots of servants doing everything for you. So it's a status symbol thing. Not sure about the world record length ones, tho. Those guys just seem to have too much time on their…

What do you mean by "are more simpler than I am"? You kinda lost me there.

1. This is literally one of the greatest things I have ever read ever. I teared up.

Not cutting your hair, or "Kesh", is one of the "5 K's" of Sikhism; it is a major thing that many/most followers adhere to. Not cutting your fingernails has nothing to do with anything.