This is the best vocalisation of how I feel in relation to "youth these days" that I have ever seen.

Yes! God, I might get some on the way home tonight, just for old time's sake.

It is so strangely satisfying; did you ever use those Biore strips that you'd paste onto your nose and then rip off to examine the army of blackheads that they'd remove?

She's in love with Peter Gabriel. That's what this means. He wanted to be her sledge hammer, she's just reciprocating.

Oh my God, are we allowed to marry other Jezebel users in a Jezeverse? If so, will you be mine?

HA, Denethor. I think of him every time I eat a cherry tomato. EVERY TIME.

Thank you for the laugh this morning.

I know, I was being sarcastic, which is why I said I was an asshole :)

I am curious as to what "to goat someone" means. Because I'm an asshole. It must be some wedding industry specific thing.

Exactly what I was thinking.

This was great, Erin.

To be fair, I don't have any friends right now.

Like hair and eye-colour, it can take a while for a mouth to choose.

I know :( The reaction from my mother and aunt was: "IT'S A BOY. IT'S ALWAYS A GODDAMN BOY. I WANTED A GIRL."

I did it too :(

Michael Collins would be a wonderful name, but it doesn't have that absurd specification that "Braveheart from Braveheart" has. Perhaps "Michael Collins as portrayed by Liam Neeson in the 1996 film of the same name Windsor/Wales/Cambridge"

I'm not sure anything can beat "Braveheart from Braveheart" on my list. Bravo.

That's fantastic. I hope, one day, Matt Damon does the same to her.

And Manson, at least, had connections to the music industry, what with being friends with Dennis Wilson.

My cousin's baby is really ugly. She looks like Momma from Throw Momma From the Train, still, at six months. I hope her first words are spoken in that voice. "OWEEEEN."