I got an email from West Elm that said “Thanks for your order!” :/

For some reason I really like food pranks. If I had seen my boyfriend’s mom at all, I was going to take some mayo out of my bag and start putting it on my skin and remark how wonderful it smelled. Of course, before hand, swapping out mayo with generic hand cream.

...........throw out the full bottle...doooo it.

It's cool, I can taste the tap water in potatoes if the water is strong. The water where I live sometimes smells like actual dirt and tastes of it too. Imagine, waking up in the middle of the night, parched and in the dark and getting a mouth of liquid dirt. The. Worst.

The type of chef I'm referring to are in the job because they fell into it and became burn outs (cooking in place that's not high standard). Places like hotels and corporations drug test—almost all the rest of the industry doesn't require testing or extensive background checks. I have never worked in a kitchen where…

That's an adorable story. You'd probably be sued now along with the school. :/

Make friends with anyone in the food and bev industry. Chefs especially.

Yeah, I saw, I just wanted to make my bingo card have more points on it.

You know, I have no idea. It does seem that they post negative articles about Uber; but perhaps rightly so. I think the hysteria is that, Uber drivers aren't employees but freelancers. With that there is less accountability and that makes people nervous. Maybe Uber's vetting service is not stringent enough, as the…

Is that an anti-muslim reaction? That's crazy. We need some pastafarians to roll in with their colanders and request that their pasta only be cooked in their unique religious "hat". I would so love for a case like that to go to the supreme court.

Yeah, he entered into a contract with a private company with these rules? He's totally in the wrong. Thanks.

I'm waiting for the comment that's like, "Women are never raped by taxi drivers! This never happens because I myself have never had it happen!" Because it's coming (and a also comment that "she had it coming"). I feel like we should start a bingo card game.

I feel like I'm the only person who has never heard this song before.

Oh thank you. I had no idea! At least her middle name helps her be remembered?

Stab them in the face with a knife—split it down the center. Or electrocution—there's special vats they die within half a second. Still sad though.

Yes. This is great. Thank you.

I think of Sookie Stackhouse. I think, "How is a human named this in real life."

Oh man. This was/is me. I tested about two standard deviations above the average IQ in high school; but it is accompanied by a host of learning disabilities. I really wish they had never told me my IQ so young because whenever I faced a challenge or had my learning disability get the better of me, I felt as if I…

Oh yeah, I mean, we're more than fine. I'm a feminist. I'm dating a feminist. My friend are feminist.

I pretended to have food once and lured a squirrel to get close to me.