Tuesday I started in the morning, getting well organized by noon. I did not want to disgrace myself, so I then checked out. I bought some more liquor on the way to the depot. I had to wait some time for the train. I remember nothing from then on until I woke up at a friend’s house, in a town near home. These good…

Trump will next criticize Clinton’s ill-fitting suits, her inexplicably orange skin, her tendency to loom over people, and her terrible comb-over. “I hear she just reaches out and grabs people by the pussy, is what I hear” reports Trump.

He should win for resisting to put in the gas can that is Pedro Baez.

However, only one of them couldn’t serve because they happen to be a woman.

Thanks, I just had it waxed.

You fucking racist piece of shit. This man blew up several bombs and injured dozens of Americans in an act of pure terrorism.

She could’ve avoided the whole thing by simply adding ‘some of them, I assume, are good people’ at the end of her original speech.

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Have a place for your keys. Put them there.

Bartenders roofie people too.

Which was brainwashed and trained to bite Jews.

If you’re a grown man, and you concern yourself with buying garments that have been worn by grown men who are not you, then you are a huge fucking nerd and you deserve whatever garbage you get tricked into buying.

This is the beginning of his exit strategy. He never intended to get this far and is desperate for an excuse to flounce out.

....Apparently, Ted Cruz thinks this is Sarah Palin

“The Faraday Future...It’s gonna be huge. The car people, they love me. They support me. I’m a car people. I know cars, and it’s going to be the best car.”

When I vacationed in Mexico I found it easy to poop.

I find it shocking that a Mormon got duped by an outlandish story and extravagant promises

Thanks for the image of Teddy Bare. My testicles just undescended.

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.