I've never wanted a Teddy Ruxpin before, but I am beginning to see their value.

I wanted one of these so bad as a kid, and my parents wouldn't get it for me because they thought it was a stupid fad toy. Well, JOKE'S ON YOU MOM AND DAD. Puppy surprise is back and now I'm a 30-year-old with a salary and an unknown number of baby puppy-sized holes in my heart.

I thought that's what the comment section on Deadspin was for.

Surely one of the strangest items in communal millennial memory is Puppy Surprise, a fuzzy pink dog who came with some random number of puppies preloaded in her plush womb.

My name is Jonas

In 1998, I worked at a large chain grocery store that was owned by Satan and had to work Thanksgiving. Like you mentioned it was pretty much business as usual, so not so bad. But I was still pretty bummed and my mom was giving me a major guilt trip. The upside was we were set to close at 7pm and I was getting paid…

Having done both grocery and big-box retail I'd take the day before Thanksgiving in a grocery store over big-box Black Friday in a heartbeat. The grocery store is crazy busy but the customers are nicer/more sympathetic (in general, there's always a few assholes). Plus, my grocery store always got catered food for…

Don't you need to be mentioned in the Simpsons or South Park to truly make it?

"I shall avenge you!"

This was my exact thought when I saw the headline.

It's only the real world. Not important at all.

(Damnit, now I have David Bowie's Underground stuck in my head.... oh well share and share alike)

THURSDAY IS WHEN MY STORIES ARE ON!

I actually think it's harder to believe bad things about the people closest to us than it is a friend. With a friend you have the distance to realize that there are parts of their life you have no access to. But with a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a child, you can be so invested with the idea of what a person is…

I have an old friend that I had fallen out of touch with who is currently on trial for conspiring to murder of his pregnant girlfriend, and even with some pretty damning evidence that point to his guilt, I still can't fully let go of the impulse that he's innocent. It's hard to accept that people who have seemed so…

I saw a commercial for Walmart's "Black Friday Week", which, you know. That makes sense.

Years ago, I was driving a client to court for something dealing with custody— she was a client at the domestic violence shelter I worked at. On the long drive, we happened to pass the place where she married her husband, and she started quietly sobbing. After a couple of minutes, she said, "You don't marry someone…

This is EXCELLENT listening.
"WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT WE'D BE LET GO MIDSEASON AND NOT MARC TRESTMAN?!?!"

"Hi it's Derrick from Chicago, first time long time. Now that you guys are being shut down for the year, would it be fair to label your station as soft?"

this is so meta, now they are talking about making the front page of deadspin