I feel you on this, but I want kind of the opposite. I want EVERY FUCKING POLITICIAN, CEO AND VOTER who went to bed with this piece of shit to be branded with a “45" on their foreheads so they can live out the rest of their days in shame of the roles they played in this “reality shitshow.”

FUCK. ING. ROACHES. As a child, they were my Leatherface, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and Pennywise. Especially the ones that could fly. As I got older, I learned to co-exist with them until I got old enough to move out of NYC. But whenever I return there and spend a night or two with one of my…

Was feeling “Tipsy” for about a couple of weeks, then the novelty wore off.

I tip 15 to 20 percent regularly, but I have to ask this: why do we tip our waiters/servers, but not the chefs/cooks who actually prepare our food? Are they not as “worthy” of compensation because they’re not routinely on the “front lines” dealing directly with customers, or are they routinely paid much more than…

I far prefer your treatment of pie over Jason Biggs...

My sister lived in Lake County, IL her entire adult life (her now ex-husband moved her there while he was in the Navy) and, while visiting them, I noticed a couple of Aldi stores but never was curious enough to poke my head in one or ask either of them what the hell they sold (from the outside they look more like a…

It was not my intent to suggest that ONLY girls should “scream” at scary things or that boys screaming make them “as inferior as girls.” Perhaps I should have left gender out of the statement entirely and just suggested my reaction to that experience was extremely juvenile for my age. My bust.

I declared my “retirement” from roller coasters just past my 39th birthday at Universal Studios Osaka. When a grown-ass man is the only one screaming like a little girl while riding a whiplash rocket with a couple dozen Japanese teenagers, it’s time to hang it up.

If you don’t know how to cook, bring enough alcohol for at least TWICE the number of your invited party (counting any kids you bring, even though they can’t drink). That should earn you at least one plate of food and allow you to observe the domino or spades game at close range without getting chin-checked or juxxed…

Oh god, imagine his tweets if Harvey were, instead, Helen or Henrietta...

And just think: Herr Trumpenfuhrer just recently allowed these “calm, level-headed and sound judgment” officers of the law to be “remilitarized.”

You thought last Halloween was a bit too “clown-tastic?” Well, thanks to the upcoming It remake, this Halloween’s gonna be “liiiiiiit...*”

Magna Cum Donkey Sauce

I’d watch the fuck outta that...

Obama’s the “villain” America needs...but doesn’t deserve.

Given her dad’s history of GWB-shilling and Obama-bashing, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. In fact, probably still attached to it.

What? Principles above paychecks?? In Hollywood???

Hey, Mary managed to give birth to Jesus without appropriate shelter, so who are we to expect a “man of God” to shelter others in need???

The Josh Brown/Colin Kaepernick hypocrisy has finally awoken me from that “classy organization” coma I’ve been in for 30 years. Not even Lawrence Taylor’s penchant for crack cocaine (then underage girls later) could appropriately make me hang my head in shame while declaring myself a “Giants fan.”

I actually wanted McGregor to win in order to shut Mayweather the fuck up by telling him the only way he’d accept a rematch is in the octagon. They’re both douchetards, but Mayweather’s been at it longer than McGregor...