Nonsense. You can still make the most outrageously-insane clock imaginable.

Never said it was a bad thing we killed him. I'm just saying that now we need more security than before over there.

Nope. You ever heard the expression "Kicking a hornet's nest"? That's exactly what we did. It's also why the government issued a warning to those traveling on international airlines. We've stirred up the bees, and now they hate us even more. Or so I'm told.

I wonder if they're going to aim a superconductor at it...

And, you know, it's a pig. Which is awesome in it's own right.

You, and this article, have reminded me that I haven't had a burger since... Oh, right. Yesterday.

Pigs! It's actually really cu- That's a manly flashlight you have there, son. I'm off to wax my beard while wrestling an alligator on a tight-rope suspended over Niagara Falls.

I wish I had an eight-ounce burger every once in a while. I'm stuck with four-ounce burgers.

Do you consider yourself a geek? (If not, then why are you here?) Then, as you may know, every self-respecting geek (yourself included) owns a dremel. This is why you own a dremel.

Nope. Nope nope nope. This is Apple's fault, not the developers. These lawsuits are (likely) incorrect and invalid.

Dear sir, I would like to direct you to your "settings.app" list. This list allows you to change the settings of your iDevice.

Looked through the faces, and I can safely say one thing: Give me Times New Roman or Helvetica over this. I do not like it. At all.

We could replace your bone marrow with something that makes you live six years longer... As a surprise birthday medical procedure.

Brilliant idea. Better yet, pre-recorded messages. We'll make more pre-recorded messages. In fact, we can talk about the control group all day!

That is my grandparents' sofa... To the letter.

G500. The greatest minds of a generation tasked with the purpose of creating the ultimate mouse could not do a better job than this.

And this is why I hate the 70s. Did everyone just go spontaneously colorblind all at once? It looks like my grandparents' sofa!

Out of curiosity, who was that facepalm directed at?

I love hexagons. Would go for a less eye-killing color palette, however. How about soft yellows, light blues, white, and grey?

And I would prefer you capitalize your I's when referring to yourself.