I was really expecting him to go as a can of Progresso soup.

the AFC East’s three other fanbases to not really feel much of anything

he can’t read yet

Yeah, but they made that sign four days ago.

If there’s anything we know about Durant and the Warriors, they only really start losing it from game 5 on.

So, “May the Schwartz be with you.” is real.

Reminds me of trying to get through what seemed like the 760 episodes of True Detective 2.

Taught by superstar instructor Milli Vanilli!

That reminds me, your monthly student loan payment of $2800 is due, don’t be late this time or Rocco and Knuckles may come a-callin’

His story on why he’s walking away.

One day, when I am remembering some football guys, I will remember Arian Foster. He was a good football guy.

Using a bunch of stuffed animals left all over the place as motivation to beat someone was actually Adrian Peterson’s idea.

Not to be confused with the Saints’ defense where two safeties give up on every play.

These stories are always the best when they come from a team that royally sucks ass.

While much of it sounds horrific, there’s nothing wrong with a little naked wrestling amongst pals. Who hasn’t, when boredom strikes, asked a friend, “Hey lets strip naked and roll around the floor together,” I’d guess 99% of college roommates do it regularly.

“Hi! It looks like you’re trying to run an A-2 Gap Slant? Would you like help running an A-2 Gap Slant?”

Lena Dunham: Yes, Odell, I will marry you.

Pshh, everyone knows Bill’s fans are practically allergic to Scope.

Two days later, I’m still laughing: