Toonces, the Cat Who Could Select a Playlist

*Big Rock Candy Mountain starts playing*
JIM ROSS: My Gawd! That’s Jim Tomsula’s music!

“He can’t move well; painful to sit. Sits in car with seat fully reclined.”

So all dumbass white crackers are related? That’s so racist...

Thankfully he decided against the thong that read “Obama can’t ban these buns.”

I’m forwarding this to Barack Obama (I don’t think he’s a Kinja user).

You should always hit on a soft 17.

Pictured: A person in the Pharmacy industry it worked out for.

Aw. Joey.

I could not give two fucks less what the person sitting next to me paid for a ticket to a sporting event, much less a Baseball game.

Fun fact: At Yankee games there is a designated part of each game where fans stand up, say “peace be with you” to all the people around them, and discuss how much they paid for their respective tickets.

“This soundsystem is awesome!” - Boban, referring to his mutant ears

Man, must be something in the water.

Bold move, given that it’s mid-February and he is currently in the hoosegow.

I, in an almost self-loathing way, am a Duke fan, but I must say that Grayson Allen is (arguably) the most infuriating player I’ve watched on a Duke squad in my entire life.

I don’t understand why Tennessee would even need a Head Trainer anyway. Peyton’s was big enough already.

At least Monty Hall would have given his girlfriend the choice of which door to be thrown through.

“He made 34.1 million dollars???!?! Holy cannoli, that’s like earning 34.1 million cannoli!” -Chris Christie

...

That’s amazing accuracy. I hope an MLB team signs that guy as a pitcher so he can drill batters in the dick.