“Um, can someone please get me a tablet?”

“nobody will be able to point to a career highlight reel or single, unforgettable play when describing his greatness.”

I’m convinced Steph Curry rolled his ankle on purpose so he didn’t have to see this all game.

A one game suspension seems fair for detrilentil conduct.

I’m not even sure why we measure time in seconds anymore. A base unit of Tom Brady Son Kisses is way more logical.

That’s crazy. The only piece of sports memorabilia I could imagine paying that much for would be the jersey Mark Sanchez wore during the Butt Fumble.

“It’s bad! I’m warning you here. I’ll even type some more words to force it further down the page so you don’t see it unless you’re trying to.”

I insist that the Elmo-to-Reese Witherspoon scale he introduced in his post-skate interview should be adopted as the scale on which figure skating is judged.

Nice pic, didn’t know Josh McDaniels was such a good photographer.

Flynn looks like Bob Ross. Goddamn shame they didn’t name him Dog Ross.

“It’s only a matter of time before these bots improve at skiing to the point that they can hunt and kill a human being in wintery climes...”

Look, if you didn’t want Julio to win, you shouldn’t have been so dismissive when Hue Jackson applied for the job.

This is a truly impressive amount of racism to pack into three and half minutes of sports radio.

She really dropped the ball by not yelling out “Later Gator!” as she walked off.

I didn’t know John Fox was a fan of Boavista, that’s neat.

President Obama knew better than to weigh into that quagmire.

It’s borderline offensive to not invite Gun Runner, who was truly the glue that held the horse racing world together this year.

If only he were Rush Vader!

“The problem with socialism is, at some point, you run out of the student-athletes’ money.”

At this point, anything that gets the Cavs acting defensively is worth a try, I guess.