As though I didn’t know perfectly well that this was the quiet car. (I didn’t, as it happens, but now I am on the defensive.)

Taxidermist Nick Saade...

The NFL has fined a player for publicly supporting a good cause that the league also unequivocally supports.

This is way over the line, you gotta nip stuff like this in the bud. Take Bill O’Brien — he cut his player just for sitting coach.

Upon finishing, the gentleman turned around and screamed, “YOU LIKE THAT?!?!”

I think I’ve got the lip-reading down, everyone — I believe he was repeatedly saying “peppermint roll.”

+10 to life

Hardy could get away with anything in Jerry Jones’ eyes. It’s almost as if he could beat up a woman nearly to the point of death, throw her on a pile of guns, strangle her, and threaten to kill her, and Jerry Jones still would defend the guy.

However, the numbers from the masochist demo were exceptional.

Yes! As a UVA grad, I’m pleased — this should be a mild improvement from having no head coach at all.

First up: a new car title.

I’m glad to see he at least found the perfect shirt to summarize the experience he’s been through.

Why don’t we compromise? I suggest “King Muscle Hamster the Inconsistent.”

“I strongly believe that everyone who lives or works in or visits Houston should be treated with the utmost dignity and respect. With the exception of Ryan Mallett.”

Fortunately, only 3 people were injured during the aftershocks.

I just can’t wait until they release the audiobook version narrated by Joe Flacco.

They don’t teach that at Stanford.

He was actually just trying to see the new Star Wars trailer.

This wasn’t even the most political moment of the night. Pagano had his entire punting unit act out the chaos of the Speakership race.

It’s basically an epidemic. First, the idiot at the 49ers game, and now another case of fourth-degree throwing of bottle-y fluids.