Anyway, what would you do if you hacked a major sports league’s Twitter account? Let us know in the comments.

Let me add another one to your list: have you seen his performance as a head coach?

I’m not the most attentive Bruins fan, but you seldom hear people with anything bad to say about Thornton. I’ve seen a lot more shade thrown in Seguin’s direction, although everyone seems to regret that trade as well.

Chip Kelly.

I mean yeah, the guy is an idiot. Most clubhouse attendants didn’t turn drop out of medical school or anything to get those jobs. But it still doesn’t make him guilty. You’re allowed to walk around calling yourself “the thief.” Sure, it’s a dumb thing to do. But that doesn’t mean the police can just throw you in jail…

Again, have you ever used the word “steal”? If so, then now if someone accuses you of stealing something, it means you’re obviously guilty, right? Even if there’s no reason to believe anything was stolen in the first place?

You’re right, I actually don’t understand the first thing about physics and am so incurious about the world around me that I can’t be bothered to even google it, so let’s change the subject: why did equipment manager Jim McNally refer to himself as “The Deflator” in his texts with John Jastremski?

Are you trolling? Do you seriously not understand that air pressure decreases as the weather gets colder? You’ve never noticed that the tires on your car get soft in winter?

Aren’t fun facts supposed to be true? This one definitely isn’t. :(

Because he didn’t do anything wrong. It’s obvious from the numbers and a little bit of basic science that nobody tampered with the balls. Air pressure decreases in cold weather, and it does so by a very consistent and predictable amount. Coincidentally, the exact same amount that was “missing” from the balls when they…

Personally, I’m rooting for better public education. It might be too late for you, but hopefully the next generation of kids won’t be too stupid to understand the Ideal Gas Law or perform basic statistical analysis.

Modicums of air pressure whose absence is fully explained by basic laws of science, no less. Literally no one in the NFL front office has ever passed a physics class, I guess.

I know it’s been pointed out in other Deadspin articles, and isn’t particularly germane to this phase of the legal process, but it bears repeating: No one cheated. The air pressure inside those footballs was exactly what you’d expect given atmospheric conditions. I consider myself pretty cynical, and it amazes even me…

My money’s on Theon. Call it a hunch.

Apropos nothing, if anyone finds it in their heart to bestow tickets upon a poor, but avid fan, this writer is, shall we say, willing to wait for it — and to listen to “It’s Quiet Uptown” on repeat as she gently weeps and her cat stalks away in annoyance.

created by someone who is desperate to keep hot takes alive

You mean his not immediately making the Red Sox forfeit because Farrell was still in the dugout? That might be written in the rules, but it would be an absolute disaster for MLB, especially in a marquee game, and there’s no way in hell any umpire would make a call like that. It actually wouldn’t surprise me if they’ve…

Given how bad Kulpa was throughout the game, perhaps we should add umpire retention policies to the pile of rules the league ought to reevaluate.

Here’s Scott Van Pelt reporting that Kulpa was not, ahem, inculpable throughout this game. 31 missed calls, presumably all balls and strikes.

Terrible calls are part of baseball. These were terrible calls. Doesn’t justify going after the ump, but just saying...