I take issue with calling him a “sentient turd full of corn kernels.”  You are what you eat, and I bet you ten bucks he skipped the corn in favor of more ice cream.

Fuck, man, you’re gonna get me fired for laughing too hard.  Have a star.

She’ll always have that perfect smoky eye made of burnt facts.

Witches and wizards don’t get wands until age 11...did they just wear diapers until then?  Or were the diapers bewitched to vanish the poo wandlessly?  And if poo-vanishing undergarments were readily available, why stop wearing them as an adult? 

As a white person, I am deeply offended that you didn’t hyphenate Spider-Man.

I with I could trade him for my grandfather’s final years. Back to back strokes, followed by sixteen years of his right side being blind and paralyzed, moving his wheelchair around with only his left foot, unable to speak except to say “wawawawawa,” and watching everyone around him fade out of his life except to…

I like what my Focus has: a little screen set back in in a small pocket, so I can wedge my phone directly in front of it and use that for navigation.  It’s perfect...or at least I pretend it is, because Sync refuses to recognize my phone at all.

I talked my buddy into buying one of these last summer.  Good choice.

See also: Chevy Trax, Buick Encore

If I lived there, I would have to reeeeally fight the temptation to carry a little bottle of glitter with me everywhere and surreptitiously sprinkle a bit on every MAGA hat I saw.

If they had really turned to Satan, they’d just be having lots of casual sex with a deep commitment to consent. Killing people is what people do in the name of God... All. The. Fucking. Time.

A brace of Cullinans is simply inadequate.

Can their lineup even handle three sporty cars?  I’m still waiting for a Code 130R, and instead we got the fucking Trax.

While I like the Mini and Civic Si suggestions, I would go with a Volvo C30 (2010 or earlier, IMHO - I didn’t care for the facelift). Where the Mini is cutesy and the Civic is aggressive, the Volvo is just handsome. And the interior is remarkably restrained, not in-your-face at all, so it’ll have that comfy old…

“acemeteryetrical” is making my eye twitch almost completely out of its socket lol.

Tinfoil hat time: This is a covert Chinese marketing stunt for their laser assault rifles. They’d have a permanent monopoly in that market, too. Where are you gonna get a cheaper one if it’s already made in China?

It’s kind of insane that lighting is its own category instead of just a subcategory of visibility.

Here, have all the stars

It’ll be good for him.  It’ll be bad for his party when he finds a way to siphon it all into his own pockets.

True.  Just saying that as long as the driver bears 100% of the legal responsibility, those systems need to be viewed as secondary to giving the driver as much good data as possible.  Using them as a band-aid over bad A-pillar design is crap.