Shout out to all the freaks and weirdos who think that Gwyneth Paltrow is a fake bitch and can't wrap their minds around the fact that someone would want their former partner and father of their children to be happy.

My pearls remain unclutched on this one.

Yes, massaging your taint at a urinal trough definitely could send the wrong message!

To be completely honest, I was worried my dick was broken. I'm relieved we dribble. This is a community building moment, Mark Shrayber.

No, but when you put it back in your shorts it dribbles a tiny bit. Some cruel joke of nature is that putting it back in your pants does something weird to your dick and a little more comes out. And then bathing suits, because they're like nylon nightmares or whatever, make the tiny bit of moisture really obvious…

Amen. The way he leans... into me. Hypothetically.

IDK but I want in on some of that dumb shit.

Get paid, Lupita!

The Medusa story always pissed me off, at least Ovid's telling - she gets raped and then punished by the Gods?

I loved that duet! It was beautiful.

I read this as a response to kckempf and now cannot stop imagining Lauren Conrad chasing around Steven Harper, "Stevennnnnn, if you don't shut down the pipeline you're not invited to my white party! Steeevennnn!!!!!"

Oh god, you really are a sad fart.

You're a silly lily gilder!

I disagree. A necklace would be too much.

Haulin' logs, haulin' stuff for camping, haulin' groceries, haulin' laundry, haulin' books, haulin' more Ikea bags...

I'd watch an entire season of Angela Bassett's flaw-free face cackling into the camera and shouting "I'm 55, bitches!"

This is what most stylists/publicists dress like, in my experience.

Take it easy, Aviva.

Corn creates jobs, vegetables are grown by and for a bunch of trust fund hipsters! Get your mind right.

Dogville and Birth are two of my favourite movies and I totally forgot that Bacall and Kidman are in both of them!