Not scary at all but an update for those of you who remember my story from last year about our friendly ghost named Seymour:

I have one too. She went from being a wonderfully dynamic woman with lots of interests to...crossfit. All day, all the time. She now likes to judge you for your eating and exercise.

NO CHILD OF MINE WILL BE PLAYING WITH A DOLL THAT HAS FRENCH JOINTS!

These actually sound terrifying and will make you have honest-to-god nightmares

The doll recordings still work. Beware. They are like the sing-song dreams of haunted dead children.

“Barbie, what is sex?”

I look forward to popping the head off this Barbie as well.

I mean, okay, it’s tacky and a little ugly... but it’s better than anything I could ever knit. That shit has heart.

I’m not a fan of the new unimproved Denise. Or is it Dee-nice?

God, I wish this was a secret sponsored post.

I literally had to stop watching that show because I hated King Henry and Anne Boleyn so so so fucking much. Love Johnathan Rhys Meyers and Natalie Dormer but if anyone ever deserved to have a run in with Lorena Bobbitt it would be Henry VIII

That’s fine, Miss Piggy has obviously moved on.

Definitely Not Miss Piggy

For future reference, I would never ever ever give Sandra Bullock demon eyes.

This was very confusing. At first glance it looks like she has demon eyes, but then the article is positive. I had to blow it up to see that they were hearts.

I was about to make a joke about how Donald Trump is holding her for ransom and then I remembered that I am a mother, and if this were my kid I would be totally out of my mind. I hope that she is found safe, and this turns out to be a big misunderstanding that can be laughed about later. Much later.

Why does this need to be private? I wish that I had known that it was so common when I miscarried, saying that we should wait or that it’s private or shouldn’t be talked about it why so many people end up blindsided when it happens.