“oh hey, kids. Who would you rather have as your dad? This guy, who was in a little known band in the 60’s, or KURT FUCKING RUSSELL?”

Does he even have any pride? Self control? I have family members that don’t like me, if they called me out publicly I would IGNORE them. Because it’s better that way.

“You really made out with your brother, huh. That was weird.”

We all know.

I think, in context, she’s saying that *she* would look like a malnourished bird if she lost a lot of weight.

Too fat and you’re a “land whale”. Too skinny and you’re a “malnourished bird”. Or “anorexic”. That was a popular one at my high school.

Writer: Woody Allen

I don’t see any Nuka Cola in there. This is not official currency!

On the plus side, you’ll be rich when the world goes to hell.

He probably paid more than the cost of the game to ship that many bottle caps...

My standard response is “I’m still going, thanks”, which seems to go down okay.

In SimCity 2000, I noticed that if one’s city residents didn’t have much to complain about, they’d always default to griping about traffic. This WaPo rant may well be this guy’s version of the traffic complaint.

First they came for our dishware, and I did not speak out—

On the other hand, I’m personally not a fan of having a dirty plate sitting in front of me for 15 or 20 minutes. I prefer for it to be taken away. Why does the waiter taking your plate make you feel rushed? Why aren’t you just as rushed by the fact that your dining companions are clearly done?

I, for one, cannot wait until Ferdman tells us about the time a literal Communist tried to refill his water glass too soon.

I will never understand this attitude. I HATE the two minute check or whatever it’s called, when the waiter comes over to see if everything’s okay when you have taken 0-2 bites of your food. But it would never occur to me to blame the waiter for that. It literally happens at every single restaurant. Does he think all…

You know what the appropriate response is when a server asks to bus your table but you don’t want them to?

Why the hell does he even care about his dirty but otherwise empty dish being cleared away? Why does he *want* that thing in front of him? Seriously? I have no problem with servers pre-bussing. I always figured it wasn’t to get me out the door quicker, but to increase the chance I’ll order dessert and give them an…

It must be nice not to have to work through grad school or - God forbid, after - in a service job.

Roberto Ferdman is super special and never worked for minimum wage or in a service job, so he’s super special and the world revolves around his personal preferences. That’s all I really got from this.

OMGOMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG