I've always been confused by the transhumanists. Are they crooks or just morons?

Bob is Gilligan. He will find a way to get everyone but himself killed.

The Hovercarrier seems prohibitively expensive to simultaneously be so useless.

"We will not be obliterated..." Jeez. How about a spoiler alert next time?

"The universe literally explodes."

East vs West

Wow. I've never pictured the Nile being so developed that far south.

Star Trek Into Darkness deleted scenes can be made fun by just adding a little context. Like fortune cookies. Try it:

Particularly the early years, when I wasn't sure it wasn't just a brilliantly subtle parody. Then, as time wore on, I learned to love it in the same way people love the Ramones: "Wow! That's awesome! Four retarded guys have a tv show!"

[shrug] My girlfriend and I refer to each other as "mom" & "dad" in relation to the dog when speaking to the dog. It works both as shorthand describe the relationship with the pet in the absence of a better term, and provides the dog with easy-to-understand, one-syllable words.

shhh!!! people, people, downplay how cute you think the amputee kitty is. Otherwise you're going to have some billionaire Chinese industrialist start producing them in factories.

So, are groups of cheerleaders uglier on the inside than individual cheerleaders?

No! No! No! Progress® is always better! Why, just 20 years ago, we were pretty much isolated. We could only interact with those people physically around us. Today, we have access to an entire globe of people and ideas right at our fingertips! This allows us to completely ignore the people around us.

"In the past, mankind has devoted most of its energy toward killing the other tribes. In the future, killing the other tribes will continue to get radically easier, so it will take less energy."

So, will the portion sizes on pints of Ben & Jerry's change from "4 ounces" to "the whole damned tub" one weekend a month? Amiright, ladies?!?!

Search your feelings, Lauren. People are just going to have sex with the meat instead of eating it. You know it to be true.