I really hope this doesn’t go through.

I have disdain for Walmart but they did kill the biggest employer in my little town. Screw those guys.

I was also confused by this, pretty sure they’re both still operating independently. Weren’t the feds going to investigate the impacts of such a large merger?

Check out a browser extention called uBlock Origin. It makes this site shockingly readable. 

Only the best high school drop outs are used to make law enforcement.

Not sure where people got the idea that Australians were all named Bruce.

I know there’s only like five of us who read this site anymore, but if one of your friends tries to thread the needle of “good” abortions and “bad” abortions, please point them to this article. 

My wife is more gross than I am. Her gas is lethal.

*checks to make sure Lawrence Tierney is still dead*

Why doesn’t anyone remember Shanghai McNuggets that came with Cantonese Sweet and Sour, Terriyaki, and Hot Mustard sauces? As well as chopsticks, a fortune cookie, and a little bit of stereotype:

Arrest her on bullshit charges, plaster her picture all over the news, then release her on bail and let the demented zealots take care of the rest. Well done, Texas. This whole thing makes me sick.

“That said, my personal preference would be for the Garfield version of Peter”

I realized immediately what you meant, but for a split-second I initially pictured Spider-Man hating Mondays and gorging himself on a lasagna.

Okay, who had “fetus unboxing video” on their Bizarre Internet Phrase bingo card this month?

Obviously it’ll make it worse. They don’t care and they know that most people won’t care either if they still get their shitty cheeseburgers, the entire point here is to save money over having to pay actual employees more.

Another example of why spell-check is a poor substitute for editing.

“Self-checkout is not only a way for me personally to avoid feeling shame, but it also often speeds up the checkout process”

The guy’s pretty much the last “movie star” at this point.

To return the favor to all those who came before me:

It directed me to that banana video, so absolutely 100% yes it is warranted.

Sometimes, Costco has Kerrygold Butter (both salted and unsalted) in 1 lb blocks. You might have to get a pack of 4. This is fine. Butter freezes quite well.  I bust it out when it REALLY matters: Shortbread, pound cake, butter-based pasta sauces. (basically, any place the flavor of the actual butter is the main thing)