Strong contender? For miss of the season? Its not mathematically possible to imagine a bigger miss. They had to use the goal decision system to see if the ball had crossed the line when he kicked it. He was less than an inch out from an open goal.

Forget the season, its quite likely that there has never been a bigger…

Like, like, but not, like, like like. Y’know? Pass me a multiple-choice note during math class, we’ll straighten it out.

Oh good, I was really hoping I could get my sanity tested on a daily basis for a few decades. At least he’ll keep me on my toes!

The other day my wife was still in bed and I was almost done brushing and I realized I was using her toothbrush.

If you regularly video chat your gf where your presumably male roommates have the opportunity for shenanigans, you’re gonna get shenanigans.

I would enjoy Don Cherry’s head asploding like a scene from Scanners.

Getting Matt Klentak’s pants’ reaction that quickly is some damn fine reporting, Chris.

His goals against Leicester City and West Ham salvaged crucial points for the Pool Boys, while his last four games have featured three two-goal games.

Bills fans this morning are destroying property, calling Brown racial slurs and drunkenly getting into fistfights so, you know, you can just imagine how they’ll react when they hear about this.

Jesus! Even more evidence of Russia meddling with our erections.

Word out of Washington is that their plan was always to have him be John Steel Slats anyway.

Cheer up. You probably always make the short list.

I was going to explain my joke and then I remembered that there’s nothing worse than reading an explanation of a joke.

I am a gay man. When I was in college I had one-night stand with a fellow collegian.

DeSantis is right to be mad. Rick Scott is a terrible friend. The media is barely covering the fact that Rick Scott waited for hours before ambushing the DeSantis family dog. After wrapping his body around the DeSantis family pet and slowly suffocating it can you believe that Rick Scott proceeded to unhinge his jaw…

I was under the impression that we are how god plays video games.

We burnt Toronto, though, so I guess it’s even.

If you do it right now, all is forgiven

Ummmm ... no pressure or anything ... how are you folks set for matches & lighter fluid, like right at this moment?

People don’t realize if you put a hockey puck in his mouth and crank his arm, you get a flattened souvenir token that pops out of his horse’s ass