Alright, buckle up for a Shakespearean epic that I promise will be worth your while.

He should’ve typed up two rejection letters. One being the joke letter and the other being the ‘real’ letter. He could’ve bathed in his daughter’s tears all afternoon and waited till the following Monday to give her the real acceptance letter as to spoil her weekend, too.

I usually fall asleep right after that too.

Are we sure she actually petted the dog and wasn’t just examining its suitability as a future coat?

Things that hurt my face:

The claim that educators (writ large; obviously, in this case, the charge is accurate) “force their worldview on their students.”

I’ve been a professor of English for thirteen years now.

I am traditionally conservative on a very few things (defense being the big one), and traditionally liberal…

That baby is an unholy mixture of Brady, Belichik and Kraft’s DNA implanted in a surrogate in an attempt to breed the Football Kwisatz Haderach.

Like everything else about the Patriots, this story is listed as QUESTIONABLE.

My new band’s name is “Fancy Asshole.” Replacing “Greg’s Big Leg.” (My husband had a blood clot years ago and one leg is slightly larger than the other from the knee down. Sadly, he doesn’t think this is funny.)

Thoughts and prayers

I’d like you to spend more time telling the class about this meeting. I promise, we will listen and not interrupt.

As a married fella I can tell you: Not as many as you hope.

Every time she waves at somebody it’s Virtue signaling.

Come on, you’re better than this! My wife and I play in a bowling league together and we’re not fucking.

He’s probably sitting on a program. We Canadians aren’t savages, you know.

Shows you raised him right — good on you (and your spouse if there is one).

Agree 100%. PSG’s spacing and creativity on breaks and in front of the net was so bad. It was like they had no idea what to when faced with a back line that they simply couldn’t outrun or outmaneuver.

I bet 500 Quatloos on the newcomer

Well sure, that just makes sense. A degree of difficulty thing.

Oh, this is all sad and heartbreaking, but if I die next to my silicon doll suddenly I am a loser and a freak.