Fine. CFL tackle, then.

Those dingleberries are getting bigger and harder to dislodge every day. Has anyone talked to him about his diet?

He's big!

I see what you did there, and forever will resent you for dredging up such awful memories. And for making me laugh.

I once discovered that ironing while naked with the ironing board at the right height to kinda dangle over is not a good idea. Happily, the burn from the iron was minor (as far as these things go), just a quick touch to the tip rather than, say, trying to remove the wrinkles without the help of someone better looking…

Really? I'd heard he was short.

This reminds me of one other scene of the year candidate, when Hoffman in A Most Wanted Man is in the bar and, without saying anything, gets up and slugs the asshole having it out with his girlfriend/wife. So rumpled and seemingly pathetic, and then you see his lethality and humanity in one unspoken moment. Of course,…

"Hey, let's all get together and play with ourselves for 2 hours and just basically be ourselves instead of our characters. Bonus? We get to go to Europe on someone else's dime AND be paid for it! You in?"

That's only because you haven't seen my rainbow-coloured trash bags.

Can you do a form of Kegels to get the bags one at a time and fill them up before pulling them out? I can see this saving time. Asking for a friend.

I know. It never. Fucking. Ended. And in the meantime, my wife was laughing at me, because the real humour was not her cup of tea.

Both great choices. I'd also suggest the final scene of Whiplash, and the bleeding scene that never ends in Stephen Chow's Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons (not so much for technical achievement as for I've not laughed that hard in years).

Weaseled in a lot of animal names there. Something to crow about.

Yeah, "braid" makes sense. As opposed to "breed," which was what I thought. Although that would be something to see.

Thank goodness I don't live there, then. That would be too much to ask.

I thought it was a nun with a javelin through her head. Or maybe a penguin in a blender.

Our neighbour's backyard rink is nonexistent for the first time since we moved here 6 years ago, but HIS neighbour has built one instead. In the meantime, a stray puck put a hole in our shed and the yard is constantly littered with pucks and balls and we don't give a damn, because this is what kids should be able to…

Good point. That's why I lie on the couch instead.

I once drove around with a garter snake around my neck, under my shirt. It was a college summer job, a naturalist showing cool animals, alive and dead, to kids at day camps, and the snake didn't want to go back in the snake bag. It shit/puked all over me just as I was pulling up at the nature centre and I had to go…

Go all in: "Murdererderers."