(How many people with normal office jobs put their phones away for all 8 hours of their workdays, hmm?)

Wanna trade kids? Mine is boring and only wants to eat quesadillas and mac & cheese (although she loves broccoli for some reason, so at least she gets some nutrition). She’ll complain that she’s full if I try to get her to branch out, but somehow there’s always room for cookies or ice cream. It’s the strangest thing...

Calm down. 

Love the “you can’t turn 5" one! Amazing. I’m definitely using it.

This Trump hate nonsense has finally gone too far. Stop trying to ruin Halloween. There are WAY worse candy bars out there than Herseys .

Because any more than that are definitely bought and paid for bot accounts.

Because if it’s a Democrat who’s a white supremacist, it’s ok. 

Partly because she’s an ugly mess. 

We had the opposite happen. We used to get maybe 4 or 5 trick or treaters all night so I started handing out full-sized bars a few years ago. Word has gotten around and now we’re the “full-size candy bar house”. Trick or treater traffic has steadily increased every year and now we’re getting 50 or 60 kids every…

Women have magical powers and are very dangerous. This is why they should always be covered with a hijab. Just ask any religious fanatic.

I’ve found that the more expensive the hotel, the better products they provide. And that doesn’t just pertain to toiletries (although the mouthwash at the President Wilson is amazing and I’m not sure you’ll find better anywhere). I was once in the need of a new suitcase and the concierge arranged a brand new case for…

You need to find better hotels. 

It was. But goddamn it was worth it! I love it. 

Or just throw everything in a ziplock. But who the hell travels with shampoo anyway? All the 5 star hotels provide that. 

Seems like they’re your scapegoat, though. No?

“Oh! I’m mad! The President is such a mean ol’ orange man! CNN told me to hate him! The economy is booming! Unemployment is at record lows and the dollar is actually TOO strong! The United States is taking control of its foreign policy and wrestling it away from the globalists and profiteers. But my life still…

Do you also understand the feeling of betrayal her constituents have? She was a monster and let the win get into her head and she behaved badly. The end. 

I use Waze a lot. That “there’s a cop here” function is never accurate. The cops are always long gone by the time I get to that spot or it’s a spot where the cops ALWAYS ARE ANYWAY. Because cops are mostly lazy creatures of habit like the rest of us. 

As Netflix continues to flood the markeplace with content, their quality is starting to really suffer. I have a feeling they’re going to be in a world of hurt once the “big boys” get their shit together and start pumping out high quality content.

It’s like $140 for 3 years. That’s a pretty good deal. That’s less than I was paying for DirecTV per month.