That explains Pete Wentz’s dick.

I understand the science, I really do. But upon meeting the blonde-haired, blue-eyed daughter of my Pakistani friend and her Korean husband, I have started to wonder.

You. Is. A. IDIOT.

They taught us a song of all the states in alphabetical order when I was in fifth grade. I’d put my money down on this bet every time— til I’m like 3 or 4 shots of vodka in, then not so much.

a WMD.

I work in an upper management role for an Anschutz Corp. company.

I’ve suffered from frequent sleep paralysis episodes since I was a kid, I’m in my 30s now. It’s horrible and frightening and I hate it.

He literally wrote the book on screwing people out of their money and influence

your post makes me feel less-old, so thank you.

Sexist? Oh, so now males can’t suck dick?

Matt McGorry would be so proud.

THAT I learned from Lil’ Jon.

The shift lever on the Volvo is traditional in design and right fucking there. And as someone who stares at those digital gauges every day in all kinds of lighting conditions, they’re always legible. Next.

Or, you know, a Volvo S90.

only in Europe.

An airman I once knew told me (I’m paraphrasing):

I’m a gay, and I’d fully fuck my first cousin. He’s hot; and he can’t get pregnant. Why the hell not?

I did the same thing in my office, except there are four HUGE floor-to-ceiling windows that make you think you have privacy WHEN YOU TOTALLY DON’T. I hope none of my employees know how to read lips.

I think you’re getting him and his mom confused.

You’re cute.