The Brewers are mashing the ever-loving shit out of the ball.

Mr. Burneko - are you not the very same man who introduced me to the kickstarter water bottle that tells me when I’m thirsty? If so, thank you again. If not, just thank you.

I am also forgoing the NBA draft.

I didn’t realize all of Jimmy Fallon’s fans were racist.

You understand that because something happens once, that doesn’t make it normal, right? It’s about expected outcomes, not possible outcomes.

Will always be hilarious. Dick Enberg’s face at the end is classic.

Len and JD are good in their own way, but I don’t see any reason they’re definitely better than Benetti and Stone.

Mike Matheny is playing checkers while the rest of us are eating checkers.

Can’t see his right hand, but I’m definitely picturing a fancy cane in it.

“Five hole howler” is what happens when I try to backdoor the missus

Rick Perry is an incompetent ignoramus and should be shot into the Sun immediately. And writing this op-ed (or putting his name on an op-ed somebody wrote for him) is stupid and a waste of time.

Baseball is great and fun BECAUSE it is tedium punctuated by unexpected awesomeness. Manfred is a terrorist.

BROCK HOLT!!!

Just like all the other Boston teams. Theyaah so tawchawd!!!

“Awareness” is the first step in the purchase funnel.

I stand by my earlier comment that Tim Tebow is just a fucking idiot and basically has no clue what he’s doing. It’s the simplest explanation here.

Occam’s razor: Tim Tebow is a home-schooled idiot and doesn’t know what he’s doing most of the time.

How do you know Westbrook’s goal isn’t winning?

All I know is that I thought I would never see a guy average a triple-double for a season. It felt like one of those sports things (like a guy winning 30 games in baseball) that is just an artifact of another era. Hell, if Magic Johnson couldn’t do it, how the could anybody?

Something something Epstein’s mother something. I don’t know it’s early.