Now now, let’s not fully devolve into madness here.

What did the bear do to deserve that?

I get what ursine. 

feed her to a bear

I kinda like that jaded New York accent that the ATC has over there.

Are you kidding? Absolutely!

See also: Toys R Us. 

He’ll be in a penthouse suite once American has been made great again(tm). 

You have it all wrong. This is all apart of his master plan, you see, when the revolution begins the infidels are going to assume that the whites supreme leader lives atop the highest mountain range in a fortified stronghold, not at his moms house, in a cramped, dusty basement.

“...nabbing him at his parents’ home where he lives in the basement.”

It won't get as much love as Hader gets from racist brewers fans.

That he died is one theory, but actually it was just a hard cut to black, so we don’t know for sure.

self-flag·el·la·tion.

The Time+Tragedy=Comedy equation doesn’t properly allow for eventualities like the Cleveland Browns, where the tragedy is forever unfolding and unspools over decades and generations....

No Cleveland Browns joke could possibly be considered “too soon”

Don’t stop believing, man.

If you find out, let me know because I’ve got a killer onion rings joke. 

Sounds like the hospital he went to on Thursday night did a bang-up job!

Luckily for the Vikings, Josh Hader is just one state over, and has plenty of experience with offensive lines.

What is the proper amount of time that has to pass before this can be turned into a Cleveland Browns joke?