Schilling is the same guy who went absolutely batshit insane when his daughter was the subject of social media trolls a little while ago. Yet he has no problem with the Trumpster drooling over young girls. Why, it’s almost like Curt’s a giant goddamn hypocrite!

“I don’t immediately jump to molesting her. I wait 10 years. But so we’re clear, I’ve called dibs on that.”

“Schilling starts out by proclaiming that it’s totally normal for adults to remark on the physical appearance of their friends’ kids”

St. Louis, so you are right!

You know who else liked to jail political opponents?

In some parallel universe, breast cancer survivors wear Cleveland Browns ribbons.

On the week Brady came back too. Everyone knew Brady was going to use this game to make a statement. The browns are the unluckiest team in sports history.

How, with a straight face, can the NFL schedule New England to play Cleveland?

While we slept, Jeb Bush plotted. He combed the records, he called in favors, and he dug and dug and dug. And then it was revealed: The Bushy had the key all along that would get the dish of revenge, while cold, served up to Jeb at just the right time. Delicious.

Please clap

Obviously you’ve never heard a former baseball player talk.

Hey Brooks, glad you could make it to Deadspin!

Guy hitting .205 in High-A ball is worried about the wrong Mendoza.

Yup. I guarantee you 50% of Hillary’s strategy was seeing which buttons set him off when pushed. Watch what happens next time. She’s gonna hammer those motherfuckers like she’s playing Wack A Mole.

“Even as Mr. Trump’s advisers publicly backed him on Tuesday and praised his debate performance, they were privately awash in second-guessing about why he stopped attacking Mrs. Clinton on trade and character issues and instead grew erratic, impatient and subdued as the night went on.”

Cotton mouth + pursed lips did it for me (my other theory: like 500 mg of adderall? Technically legal but basically the same)

NO YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH THE COCAINE

I literally still can’t listen to the Dean scream because it still breaks my heart. TOO SOON.