It was part of God’s plan.

Sweet dunks are the True Religion.

+ 40fps

Are you trolling us with that “irregardless” talk?

I would be shot in nepalled if you found scumking better than Emeritus Myth.

You can’t take Emmitt Smith away. I crying laughing when I read his nonsense. That hyperventilating giggle is my only joyous release during the week. Keep Emmitt.

Did they stopwatch the slowmo to get 1.1?

Ken Stabler wasn’t already in? I guess dying is good for authors’ AND quarterbacks’ careers.

+20,000 sexual partners

Of course athletics are excluded. Because those are, like, important and stuff.

Masturbating.

DeAndre Jordan’s reaction is great.

It’s more of an extra layer of stupidity than a clarification. “This take is dumber than it looks” would have been better.

What the hell are the Wizards wearing? Was this a Turn Forward the Clock Night like MLB used to do?

This is all stupid. Joe Buck is a bad announcer but not for his bias (sorry, fellow Royals fans, but Bumgarner dominated that series so of course his name gets mentioned a lot), he just sucks and refuses to be excited by exciting plays. But biased announcers don’t change the outcome of the game, so who gives a shit?

I like the different DH rules for the same reason I like that each park isn’t the exact same dimensions. It adds character to the game and is a sign of the long history. I know that the DH is better for attracting casual fans and young fans who will become lifelong fans, but it’s not the worst part of the game. I’d…

I’ve heard this, and it makes sense. It was either a newby secret service guy or he was hungover (I forget which), and he heard the shot and accidentally fired his gun. But that still doesn’t explain Jackie climbing onto the car and gathering up bits of brain.

Also, some of the people going might have the best assessment of their own driving skills. So they’ll think “No big deal, I can handle it” when in fact they cannot handle it. People need to be saved from themselves sometimes.

Who is hiking to the metro from the Verizon Center? It’s on top of a metro station. You’d be outside for less than 3 minutes.

Last night I was in the wiped out bread aisle, and there were 5 loaves of oatmeal bread and 1 of rye. Who the hell thinks, “I need food for the next four days,” and goes with rye?