Fight the future, Allison.

Hey, does anyone remember the end of Raiders of The Lost Ark when the dude opens the ark and his face melts into oblivion? Because that’s how I felt after seeing the words “dating Stephen Miller.”

I’m really curious as to what the price point is going to be.

That giveaway was brutal. Dude better start looking for housing in Portland.

Also, if it’s a bagel, you spread Temp Tee on it like God and nature intended.

Don’t watch CNN.

In a recent interview with Variety, Sony Pictures Entertainment CEO Tony Vinciquerra ominously stated, “very famous people whose names I won’t use... want to redo The Princess Bride”

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

Holding out hope for a future Mr. Baseball Batman.

I’m a big fan of tossing some parm powder into an omelet - when you have just poured your eggs into the pan, before they begin to set, sprinkle some shaker cheese in thurr. 

cannot wait for a meteor to strike this cursed planet

What - and I cannot stress this enough - the hell

Machete vs. John Wick in Space.

Just End The Season.

I went into Carnival Row not expecting too much, but the show is good and she’s downright brilliant in it. 

I thought this was going to be about Joy-Cons made of sirloin.

I don’t have a problem with the previews, honestly; it gives me more time to rush to the restrooms or grab concessions or what-have-you. But that Noovie thing needs to be killed dead. 

Don’t have a bookmark? Try using Skyline Chili instead!

We first got cable and thus MTV in, like, ‘91 or so. This is one of the first videos I remember seeing, even though the song itself is from 1984.

The collective pets of Deadspin (i.e. Wanda, Clyde, Benson, Albert’s 10,000 dogs, Mercy, Detective, Curtis, Carter, Zoey, Hunter, Moo, Katharine Graham, Lilly, etc.)