+1

I can’t believe the Patriots went to all this trouble to beat the Dolphins.

I’m starting to think there’s something wrong with this guy. 

Every fifty years you can count on a Rolling Stones concert in San Francisco ending in a fracas. Time is on their side.

It’s too bad. Brown seemed to really want to be on the Raiders, but ultimately he just got cold feet.

“After much thought, I really want your cracker guaranteed millions"

aint nothin more AMERICAN than takin a shit while starin down the grim reaper 

“Hold my keg.”

Don’t blame the drunk golfer. Blame Gary in 23C for yelling “GET IN THE HOLE!!” for four hours.

He probably has a financial advisor. I suggest he switches.

I hope he beats this 

I was tempted to give it the benefit of the doubt because I once got a blowjob in the parking lot of the Rooster T Feathers comedy club, but then I realized Rooster T Feathers is in Sunnyvale, not Santa Clara.

He’s with the Angels, now still.

At the very least give the infant a glove and a fighting chance 

“We reached out to three-time Heisman Trophy winner QB #12 but received no response as of publication.”

If anything is to be taken from this story, is the reiteration of the fact that I hate Drake.

In the end the Lakers Front Office would announce that July came before January, and you would have to believe it. It was inevitable that they should make that claim sooner or later: the logic of their position demanded it. Not merely the validity of experience, but the very existence of external reality, was tacitly…

I think the best scenario is that Durant makes a fatal mistake in Game 7 to lose the Finals and then we skip ahead five years and Durant has given up and gotten fat and Green has to come to his hut and convince him to come back and help them make one last title run together. And Green will bring a raccoon to the hut.

Trump’s campaign plane is powered by cognitive dissonance

For most of high school, my “wife” was also a towel.