I switched from Diet Coke to green tea or water and lost weight!

OOHHHHH! I NEED a Grumpy cat Tattoo! OMG, So Totes Adorbs!

Robert Heinlein once said "An armed society is a polite society." No, it makes for a pathetic society. Killing teens for loud music, walking around in the rain, asking for help, pranks. A society based of fear is destined to kill its own.

I play Candy Crush in a casual way. I Never pay for extra lives or specials. When my turn is up, I just wait till later! Win! Win!

I simply must take a moment to discuss the fine craftsmanship of this Wooden Wonder! The fine detail of bulging veins. The carefully circumcised glans penis. The soft, sultry curve of a freshly shaved ball sack. Some unknown carver has created a masterpiece!!! I would treasure it. It could be a conversation starter at…

Don't blame women. Blame the horribly boring script.

He wants to beat Ken Jennings as All-Time Winner!

I was a Girl Scout Leader and Cookie Mom. We work HARD as a troop to get money for our troop projects and camping trips. To have these one-issue wonders hurt young girls like this tells me they are just plain crazy. You bitches take out your power trip on children?? Oh, HELL no. Inexcusable bull.

God works in mysterious ways...

OH! She made her dress with Duct Tape! NICE!

Poor Doctor!

Who pays $9.99 for Johnson's Baby Shampoo? It better be a whole gallon for that price. From Costco!

Arabian Horses are not riding horses for children. They are temperamental and stubborn. They can be very nippy. Chances are the kid will never ride it anyway.

I am fat. I fly. I go out of my way to make sure I do NOT smell, drape anything over anybody and make sure that my legs never wander toward a neighbor. I apologize for being a huge bother, and silently hope that the flight is a quick one. I just hope and pray to be totally ignored. It's the best I can hope for, really.

Does anyone remember a series of books about a Princess who ran away because she didn't want to marry the prince her parents chose? She found a dragon and befriended him. The dragon was smitten with her charm and invited her to live in his cave. She loved living with dragons and defeated the prince herself. Cool.

I Haz the Sadz. Gray-zoned forever.

Kiss A Gay at Chick-Phil-A Day! I'll kiss a chick and like it! Go burn your eyes on us, bitches!

I keep a steak knife in my car, just in case I have to cut a bitch.

This is a horror show for the family. But what about that 13 year 0ld brain-dead girl? Her family is demanding her dead brain be housed in her artificially maintained body, regardless. They just don't want to say goodbye. And who pays for life without a brain? The taxpayer, of course.

Who has it better? The guy with the ridiculously large dick or the guy with 2 dicks? It's a good question. Ideas?