Everything she says is pretty much the opposite of what she thinks she's saying. That is, if she has any idea of what she thinks she might be saying. I imagine the words in her head are like lottery balls.

You ever try to think about infinity and your brains hurts? This sentence has the same effect:

Yeah, this is totally about shaming and not the BF being a monster or the mother being a coward.

As a child whose mother failed to protect her from abusive stepfathers/boyfriends, I say fuck her. Children are utterly defenseless and can't leave an abusive situation under their own power. This woman's kids didn't choose her shitty boyfriend.

Potatoe is very...exotic.

I'm a black woman and I remember a guest asking me if I was born in Africa because my skin was so dark. I told them I just had gotten back from spending seven days in the Florida sun.

Same. I get the "you are SO tan what is your secret?" "Being birthed from a brown lady" is usually my response.

I wonder if she'll depict American Sadist Chris Kyle murdering "looters" from the roof of the Superdome. Seriously, fuck that guy.

The moment at which you start screaming and hurling swears at an employee is the moment at which you deserve absolutely no sympathy or understanding whatsoever.

When Jay Leno has a valid point to make, you know things have gone awry.

Camille, Phylicia, all of you idiot defenders: Wake up! How many woman does this monster have to hurt before you open your eyes and see the truth?

"I really hate to be that guy and to stick up for coffee latte lady"

This makes me really glad that I am an old and no one wants to be me.

My cousin dis this when we were in high school. This was before myspace and facebook. We attended the same school so she'd do stuff like tell people that me and her were related, which we are, but she'd do a lot of stuff like talk shit about someone or be involved in less than honorable dealings and then tell people…

a man stole my online dating profile, changed the pronouns, and posted it as his own. I've always wondered how "male me" fared in online dating. Maybe somewhere out there a woman has fallen in love with online me. I could be the Cyrano de Bergerac of online dating....

The customer is always right! If they tell you to grill it until it's tender, you grill that shit until its fucking tender, asshole!

Never thought I'd be happy to be old & ugly.

Oh god, I swear I had Coffee Latte's husband the other day. Never in my life have I felt the stupidity ratio in a room rise so rapidly as when this guy opened his mouth.

Really? I thought people called her out on it all the time...

Monogrammed Thermosery