At this point in time, I just have the image bookmarked as a reply anytime anyone tries to use Jesus to justify their own bigotry.

"Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted..."

Honey, if you're husband is showering 2-3 times a day, maybe he's pulling a Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.

as a white person, every day at least once or twice a day is the must, but then i have days when i soak myself in a bathtub all day with wine.

Yeah, so some people drink when they're stressed out. I take baths. I take a bath every night before bed and if I can sneak in an extra after work or in the morning on the weekend then that's fantastic. When I'm sick I get in the tub and then out of the tub. I can tell if I have a fever because I want to get in…

once a day in the morning otherwise I feel grimey and not awake yet. but I don't shampoo everyday because curly hair.

Not a lot, just the tip.

Oh, no, she wouldn't use that, that's a family name that Benedict Cumberbatch and his bride plan on using for their firstborn.

they should have just MS paint scribbled over her and then put an arrow and wrote NOT A GIRL

It can't be, he said the penis has a hat.

I fucking hate it when men respond to an accusation of misogyny (or even just someone saying, "Hey, what you just said is kind of sexist!") with, "Oh, yeah? Well, ask my wife and daughter if I'm a misogynist!" Because Lord knows that there has never been a man, in the history of the world, who had female relatives and…

I can spell "quesadilla" properly right up until I pass out.

I read somewhere else that he'd dealt with that possibility by turning the freezer off. He'd thought of everything!

PARENTS KNEW AND DID NOTHING LOL OK I DONT CARE HOW MUCH OF A FAIL PLAN THIS WAS, DO SOMETHING, DAMN.

"It's not wild chicken."

Ha - it's a inside joke from an earlier post from months ago on Kitchenette, where some customer in a restaurant was a big dickbag and was like, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I SELL MONOGRAMMED COFFEE THERMOSES" or something like that.

yes. They should've ran out into the white out ice covered highway and just waved their arms. That wouldve been safe. There isn't much they could have done at that point.

Not these?

If she ever goes missing, we should look for her in every old ladies' candy dish first.

*flips razor blade out from under tongue*