Pack it in, folks. Hemmerling for Mitchell has won the internet for today.

I proudly stand to wipe. When I have the runs (Which is frequent because I had my gallbladder out AND I’m lactose intolerant and refuse to stop eating dairy and fatty foods), I sort of shuffle my way back so any drips fall in the bowl and then TCB.

Some of your fancier, better-made pissers have targets that are off center and present the ideal place to aim and not have spashback.

I wish! My grandfather made drag tires in the early days (Before he moved onto midgets). I haven’t been to a race in ages. One day. One day.

My wife uses sugar-free strawberry preserves on her PB&J’s. I say she’s a monster. I’m correct, right?

GRRM has no pages nor any plans for them.

Have a star, my friend. You win the internet today!

Nope. Puke. I had a super shitty day on Friday, downed about a third of a bottle of Bulleit, a beer, half a pizza, and went to bed. Come midnight, I awoke with a startle and promptly yakked out my bedroom window. The next morning I awoke to the dulcet tones of someone vomiting. It was the dog walker from down the…

I hit BOTH of my brothers in the head with a wooden Red Sox souvenir bat. On their birthdays. Two weeks apart.

It’s dead when it is cut down. It just doesn’t know it yet. Like people born Vikings and Jets fans.

Would kind of like to just post the following in the comments of Brody’s article: “You’re a pretentious little cunt, aren’t you?”

Wish I knew that then. I’d have saved myself the effort.

Here’s mine.

In fairness to Darth Cheney, it was birdshot not buckshot. But yeah, fuck that guy.

This might the the dumbest thing I've ever seen on Kotaku, possibly the internet.

Wow... you're kind of a dick, aren't you? I'm guessing disappointed Jays fan?

Dirk, where do you stand on Mutton Bustin?