This is The Onion, right? Right?

Fixed that for you:

Braxton Beverly? NC State has a lax team?

“I want to hear from you Rancho Penasquitos”

Listen A-a-ron...it’s puffed CHEEZ DOODLES or GTFO

That take was so hot it must have come off a 900 degree broiler

#veryfinepeople

The correct answer is “White Wedding”

My guess would be that she was unable to stand upright, let alone walk out...

Pederson’s jaunt around the bases was one of the most insane things I’ve ever seen after a home run. I’m torn on this one: It’s a huge and emotional moment and he’s entitled to enjoy it to the fullest. On the other hand, I’ve played baseball for 40+ years and if an opposing player in a tight, tense game pulled those…

Wondering for a friend: Could you fuck her hard enough to make the left eye straight? 

(Very) Simplified response: The tax cut to #10, in real life, is spread among a very small group of individuals (the 1%) who each reap a huge benefit, while the same tax cut to #6 is in reality spread among a much larger group (i.e. the middle class) making it far less significant.

Came here for some Billy White Shoes Johnson...not disappointed

Feel free to correct me (I won’t be insulted) but it appears that all NFL owners are Trump-loving fuckfaces of some iteration or the other. Kraft, Jerrah, Johnson, McNair, even Khan, etc. If not bona fide Trump-humpers all have some major flaw. It just goes with the territory of being a filthy rich (white?)…

Never gets old:

Manfred also ruled that there will no charges against UNC from the incident, but Cleveland State forfeits three scholarships