As someone who considered suicide, many years ago,

Next time you go to type the words “To be fair,” consider looking up what the word “fair” means first. You can decide not to kill yourself, but you CANNOT decide not to be suicidal.

Nobody blames a cancer patient for getting cancer, but almost anyone who commits suicide gets branded as “selfish.”

Interesting. And what can you tell me about Imperial Supervisor Gurdun? I want to get to know him better. Who were his parents? 

That would actually be really funny. I endorse this.

Her search for her parents was really a search for identity. What Rey saw in the mirror scene plays into this. She wanted to know why she mattered, she wanted people to come along and define her, when she doesn’t realize she’s defined herself.

The problem is that the fans of this theory have already split into factions. There are those who know and justly proclaim that Riker is the mother, and then there are the filthy pahtaks who ignorantly claim that Picard is the mother.

Yeah, from her perspective the mystery isn’t who they are, it’s where they are.

We need to get this settled so we can move on to studying in obsessive detail the parentage of Han Solo, Ben Kenobi, Lando, Yoda, Mon Mothma, Jango Fett, Mace Windu, IG-88, Lobot, Jabba and Salacious Crumb. The series is not complete until we know EVERYONE’s parents.

Janeane Garofalo joke.

“Also, why are there always so many stories about the NFL draft? None of these guys have won any Super Bowls. Sounds like a bunch of Al Bundy types.”

I swear if there was a TV network in Chicago devoted to nothing but round-the-clock documentaries about Ditka, Payton, McMahon and ‘85, it would be in the top 10 in the ratings in this city.

If the Mets are going to continue to insist upon running themselves like a small-market team, I say move them to Omaha or Nashville or what have you and let someone else give NY a try.

The worst thing about the Bears is not that they’re bad. It’s that they’re boring. I’d rather read or hear about the Browns or Bengals or some other shite franchise any day. And yet 97% of all sports coverage in this town is devoted to these clowns.

I was rooting for Spider-Man Into Darkness but no one listened to me ...

I suppose adding the Winchesters to the Marvel canon would open up some previously unexplored storytelling opportunities. Such as, what happens when one brother has a secret but won’t tell the other brother even though keeping it quiet might tear them apart? Also, dragons that look like people instead of dragons.

You're OK by me, Kuzmatron. Don't go missing, I'll notice. 

Good point. 

Burger King changes the fries every couple years in a futile attempt to not suck. The current iteration is the best they’ve managed in my lifetime and it’s still a C+ at best.