"Sorry, you're on your own, kid."

Wow, I gotta hand it to him, 19 points in 4 seconds is pretty impressive, even if no one enjoyed it but him.

And with that, the entirety of 4chan's contributors just became huge Nadal fans.

Pictured: Wayne, to his great disappointment, learns that "Rock, Paper, Scissors" is a far less entertaining game than "Rock, Paper, Sizzurp."

+1

Congratulations on the excellent new nickname, Scal. We can only hope Humphries will last in the league long enough to be Mamba Number 5.

Sometimes, Weatherford said, he and DeOssie would rub up the balls with mud outside the practice center to add another element.

This is exactly the problem, you're right. They look like chicks gossiping through a hangover brunch at Dumont, but with helmets.

What's wrong with the Ravens' uniforms? Something about them makes them all look really awkward somehow. Like when a hipster's ass is too big for the skinny jeans or something. I can't figure out exactly what it is though.

Mets fans might look at Jon Niese's 2009 injury and point to Verducci's warning label. They'd be ignoring the fact that it's the fucking Mets, and these things just happen.

You guys have it all wrong. The whole segment is in fact a parody of a Bill Belichick press conference, for its total lack of humor and clearly forced usage of bland cliches in lieu of saying anything poignant, illuminating or even mildly amusing. Cuba Gooding Jr. is a comedic genius, you see.

"Man, this Giants/Packers game is intense. So what time do we play the Niners again? We gonna steamroll them bitches, and NY's next!"

VOTE FOR DRACULA

So they're still making new Underworld movies. The Giants winning this game would no longer be the most ridiculous thing I'll see on TV today.

Just so we're clear, we've got one guy who allowed himself to be filmed laying his exposed testicles on a passed out/possibly dead guy. And then we've got a different guy who probably didn't actually put his testicles on anyone, but wants to be identified as the testicle guy.

Jesus. +1 though.

You didn't miss anything. Every open thread breeds a wealth of pink comments featuring either common sense observations about stuff everyone else just saw too or lame jokes you'd be likely to hear on the most boring local sports talk radio show in the country. Each commenter usually gives up after a comment or two…

Has every starred commenter signed the congratulatory card accompanying the official comment approval fruit basket we're sending to AllYourBasesAreBelongToUs? If not, contact Analysis Rube before Tuesday (holiday weekend and all).

Oh well, I'm moving on to Clippers/Lakers until I drink myself unconscious. Wake me up if Tebow miraculously makes a single touchdown suddenly worth 316 points, assuming that's even enough to make it close by the end of the 4th.

Whatever. His body, their choice.