@Donnie_Iris: I'd actually genuinely enjoy the irony of getting banned for heaping long winded but yes, nauseatingly douchey praise on the welcoming nature of the comment section. Too bad the moderators are all out doing blow the Jezebel commentariat's tits.

@ZuckercornEsquire: They file them?? Man, athletes really do sacrifice their bodies for their craft.

Goddammit. Why did mine have to be the longest. Sorry guys, I meant it, but it definitely makes me lame.

@RebirthOfHernandezStache: Ouch. Wish I'd read that through before posting my insanely long missive. Eesh.

@Achiever: Ha no shit! I don't even remember who approved me, so don't take it personally that I forgot. That pretty little star means I did something right then. Sweet.

@Big_Sloppy: Thanks dawg. Maybe someday I'll be in someone else's "influences" list on another anniversary. And on that day, I will cry for my own lonely, pathetic existence over having spent so much fucking time here.

My turn, and I've got an underlying point to this, in case that encourages or discourages readers. I'm not gonna get too long on history, since most people are probably burned out reading them (not a potshot, I really enjoyed everything you guys wrote and wished I'd had access to join in the conversation earlier). I'm…

@THE hoi polloi: That's just it. I have no idea.

@Pesti-Esti: A Tremendous +1 to you, sir.

@Donnie_Iris: "Who are these people?! What the fuck is a 'Leitch' and how did it find my Twitter account?!"

@G.G.:

I get all this, and as a non-Yankee fan, I too have a great deal of respect for Jeter.

@The_International_Poise_Conspi...: Will there be slow motion CGI'd diarrhea? YOU BET.

@Silent Q: Drink a bloody mary at Molly's and "use their bathroom" for me.

@Gottliebs Cards: "Them Smokies got a plus curve and some filthy, filthy stuff."

@ABrown: There was a key?

At least the young Double-A hitters aren't the only ones in the stadium who can't find a pitch.

When reached for comment, Tupac stated, "how the fuck did you get this number?"

Wow! 50 K's for Berman, when it's only 3 K's for the whole ESPN NASCAR staff?

@Hatey McLife: Oh yeah, I'd been meaning to ask. Any chance I could get guestlisted for Salisbury-Dykstra?