Dick Cheney was evil but competent and qualified.

When that chair started leaning back, my friend shouted “They’re waterboarding Beyonce!” I snarfled Diet Coke up my nose and haven’t been right since.

I think the next time these malicious dorks hold a milk-in, decent and sane folk should show up and start guzzling chocolate milk. Because it’s goddamn delicious.

skim heads

Vampire criminal cartels, he just forgot that part cos too many consonants at once

Were you paging me?

Technique, training and proper maintenance. A lot of these young folks aren’t being properly trained. The voice is an instrument just like a guitar or a piano and needs care.

Simple reason. They don’t sing as well as they used to, because they don’t have to sing as well as they used to. In Aretha’s day, audio production was hugely limited. There was no autotune and it was unheard of to lipsync in a live performance. So being a professional singer meant having at least a semblance of good…

Trump is Javert.

Imagine being uprooted from your family for life because of a decision you made out of desperation 20 years ago.

Bannon’s a lost cause. There’s superficial beauty, and then there’s ugly that comes from deep in the marrow, in the soul. Ain’t no fixin’ that.

California may save this country. I’m sorry I ever wished you would fall into the ocean.

Sanctuary cities are gonna be to a HUGE fight for this administration. Jerry Brown has already made his position clear.

I thought La La Land was fine. Not Oscar winner material though. If it wins - in any category - and Hidden Figures doesn’t, I will be holding that grudge just like I still hold Cate Blanchett getting screwed out of her Oscar for Elizabeth. Gwyneth Paltrow was fine, but Cate Blanchett was fantastic.

It’s not politics. It’s money. Bitch literally bought herself a cabinet position like you or I or any other joe-shmoe would buy a cabinet. She’s so in over her head I’m waiting for the bitch to ask where the drawers are.

I am a public school teacher. I am sitting at my desk, which is in a classroom in a public school full of minorities and SpEd students, and I am weeping. I have about 9 minutes left on my lunch break, and I don’t know that I can pull it together in time. I am crushed, absolutely gutted. I am afraid for my students, I…

Mike Pence is pretty much the defecto leader of the American Taliban. Her blonde hair helmet is essentially the burqa of rich, white women.

Mike Pence can go fuck himself. Ditto for all who endorsed her.

When I was 7 years old I wrote something kind of shitty in a note and got caught, the first thing my parents said was ‘NEVER put shit like that in writing’.

A cab driver almost hit me on my bike two years ago when I had to swerve to avoid a pedestrian who stepped into the bike lane on Bleecker. He also honked his horn. The press never reported anything about it.