Dad said if 13 scores on my birthday he's getting back with mom.

Bruce Arians is available.

A chance at a puppy based on being able to score on Montreal’s goaltending? Sounds like these kids took advantage of a Priceless opportunity.

People need to ask some birthday wishes of Rick Nash or Ryan Getzlaf.

I bet I’m real fun at parties ...

She’d better be getting three dogs....or a dog with a hat. I think either would be acceptable.

Josh Smith, a guy with multiple locker room altercations already this year, gets traded for nothing. A few days later we learned that Blake broke his hand in an “undisclosed team-related incident.” I bet the two are related.

They fired just one coach? I thought they’d go for two.

Sebastian Vollmer and Marcus Cannon went to bat for their coach today, but unfortunately were unable to prevent DeGuglielmo from being sacked.

Stevie Wonder isn’t blind

That the New York Jets have, in fact, won a Super Bowl.

Not that I can recall. Privately, however, I can think of one, perhaps.

Equipment Manager: You want me to cut your jersey so you can breathe a little better in there?

“Wait, you can be praised for this?” - Eddie Lacy

As a fan, it was nice to see Vince Young have one last disappointing drive.

“I’ll get a dream team of defense attorneys.”

Peyton Manning has also vowed to play in the Super Bowl with his broken arm.

Counterpoint: Carson Palmer lost the damn game.

In all fairness to Thompson, he thought the depth at running back was going to be the best in the league given Eddie Lacy came to camp twice the man he used to be.

“Now let’s take a look at that from the body cam!”